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Painting jokes 🎨🖼️🖌️ in 2025

Tell a man there are 300 Billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it.
– … and he’ll have to touch to be sure.

People ask why I never finish my paintings
– I remind them I am a black belt in partial arts!

How do painters stay warm?
– They add another coat.

Why did Degas take so long in the toilet?
– He was consti-painted.

There’s been an explosion at the paint factory where my brother works.
– He’s missing, presumed red.

How do you know a painting’s innocent?
– Cause it was framed.

I was spray painting a side table when I noticed my first coat was really patchy…
– I thought to myself, “well this can is past its prime”

Luckily I had another can that was primer.

What do you call a surrealist painter that converts to Islam?
– Muhammad Dali

The painter had his house mostly messed up.
– He said it was a work-in-progress.

I asked my handyman why did he paint my staircase white
– He was indeed puzzled. The only thing I got from him is a blank stair

What’s the name of that painting in the louvre that you get arrested for touching?
– I can’t quite put my finger on it.

A Painter and a Gallery Owner
– Painter: How are my paintings selling?

Gallery Owner: Well, there is some good news and some bad news. A man came in the other day and asked me if you were a painter whose work would become more valuable after your death. When I told him I thought you were, he bought everything you had in the gallery.

Painter: Wow! That’s terrific! What’s the bad news?

Gallery Owner: He was your doctor

Do you know why the artist add sugar to his paint?
– To make it more palatable.

Artist: “How are my paintings selling?”
– Gallery owner: “When I explained how the value would greatly increase after your death, very well! One person bought 15 paintings!”

Artist: “Oh! That’s amazing! Who bought them?”

Gallery owner: “Your doctor.”

A friend of mine is convinced that Van Gogh painted the Mona Lisa.
– I just don’t have the ‘art to correct him.

I don’t like to use painting softwares
– Because it is Electronic Arts

Why did Van Gogh become a painter?
– Because he wanted to be a musician but he just didn’t have an ear for music.

Why is the Starry Night so foggy?
– Guess you need to see it through some Gogh-gles.

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