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Painting jokes 🎨🖼️🖌️ in 2025

I hired an ex-pilot to do some painting in my house
– Turns out he’s pretty good at it! He did a great job of the the landing.

A model asked a painter girl
– “Why do you always paint me in black and white”

“There is no u in color” She said

One time Lucy tried to paint the sky,
– but she blue it.

Just watched a movie where a mad scientist rigs a DeLorean to time travel and he paints everything purple, it’s called…
– “Back to the Fuschia”

Two drunk men were walking down the road when they see a nice house..
– Carl goes ‘Eh, I bet we can push that’
John goes ‘Yeaah but let’s take our shirts off so we don’t get paint on them’

They take their shirts off and hang them off a tree branch and start pushing…. the building.

A thief comes and steals their shirts…

*3 minutes later*
r>Carl – ‘John ! Look we left our shirts behind let’s keep pushing’

I don’t know why my painting career never took off
– Doctors always told me I was on the artistic spectrum.

What was the first thing the artist said on calling up his best friend?
– Yellow?

What’s the difference between the crucifixion of Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
– It only takes one nail to hang the painting.

Norwegian naval ships all have large bar codes painted on their hulls…
– So when they return to port a sailor can scan da navy in.

What’s the difference between the crucifixion of Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
– It only takes one nail to hang the painting.

Why was Hitler such a bad painter
– He could only paint reichtangles

What does an artist do when he’s really cold?
– He puts on another coat.

Why did the elephant paint his dong yellow?
– To hide in the banana tree…

Whats the loudest noise in the jungle? …The monkeys eating breakfast

Why are aircraft always painted white?
– The colour seems a bit plane to me

What’s the difference between a fetish and a hobby?
– ***Depends where you stick the ship in a bottle after you finish painting it…***

An Italian painter loved spice
– So he boughtachili

If painting is in your veins,
– do not be afraid of paint as one day you will have to face paint.

A Brit, A Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the garden of Eden
– “Look at their reserve, their calm,” muses the Brit.”They must be British”

They pondered this possibility but the Frenchman and the Russians soon shake their heads in disagreement.

“Nonsense,” says the Frenchman. “They’re naked and so beautiful, clearly they are French”. The Brit and Russian agreed on this point but the Russian soon raises an objection to this.

“No clothes, no shelter and they have only an apple to eat but they’re told this is Paradise. They are clearly Russian”

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