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Funny jokes in 2025

How do dragons make holiday plans?
– They don’t, they just wing it.

Why did the red neck couple only have two children?
– The wife read that every third person born in the world was Chinese.

A doctor sees a “brains for sale” sign in front of a shop.
– He goes in and sees a doctor’s brain is $8 a pound, paramedic brain is $12 a pound, nurses brain is $30 a pound, truck driver is $40, and a lawyer brain is $90 a pound. He asks the person behind the cash register, “Why is a doctor brain worth $8 a pound but a lawyer brain is worth $90?” The cashier responds, “Do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound?”

Why did Snape stand in the middle of the road?
-So you’ll never know which side he’s on.

During an autopsy, why are the heart, kidneys, liver and lungs arranged alphabetically?
So they are organ-ized.

What did the kidney say to the other kidney when it failed?
– Urine trouble now.

How many apples grow on a tree?
-All of them!

Where do catchers sit at lunch?
– Behind the plate.

Hey, were you in navigation because I found my way to you.

Where do you find elephants?
-It depends where you left them

Why did the pajamas go to the game night? They wanted to be game night sleepwear.

My gf broke up with be because I came out as a furry
– Big woof

I just read somewhere that capitalization is the difference between “I helped my uncle Jack off a horse” and “i helped my uncle jack off a horse”.
– Well that’s embarrassing. Now everyone thinks my uncle’s name is Jack.

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
-To
To who?
It’s ‘to whom’.

What did the river say when it saw beavers for the first time?
– “Well, I’ll be dammed.”

You start getting carded again,
-but all cashiers want to see your senior cards to be sure that you qualify for the discount.

I’m going to tell my Gen Z friend a joke about Social Security…
…but he probably won’t get it.

Chevy runs deep, but it takes a Dodge to pull it out.

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