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Funny jokes in 2025

What do you call a kangaroo who is very lazy?
– A pouch potato.

How much room is needed for fungi to grow?
-As mushroom as possible

What does a pampered cow give us?
– Spoiled milk.

Why was the bullet unemployed?
– Because it was fired.

My dad told me that on their walk today my dog was able to retrieve a tennis ball that landed 2 miles away
-Sounds far fetched

Why does Thanos get unlimited hot beverages everywhere he goes?
– He has the Gauntlet of Infinite-tea.

Benedict Cumberbatch and his Marvel character have one thing in common…
– Both of their last names are strange

When panda bears rob banks, they always wear a pandana!

How many dwarves does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
– Two. One to hold the light bulb in place and the other to drink until the room starts spinning.

What did the deer say after prancing around a cloning machine for an hour?
– “I feel like a million bucks!”

What did the deer say when he left the barbershop?
– “I feel like a million bucks!”

chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, “Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?”
– “You mean aspirin?” asked the pharmacist.

– “That’s it! I can never remember that word.”

What do Wagner’s musical works and his debts have in common?
– They both never resolve.

I bought my wife a beautiful diamond ring for her birthday.
A friend of mine said, “I thought she wanted one of those pretty 4-wheel drive vehicles?”
– “She did,” I replied, “But where in the world was I going to find a fake jeep!”

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal playing hide and seek
– Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide and seek. It’s einstein’s turn to count. Pascal runs away and hides under some bushes.
– Newton draws a large box in the dirt and stands inside it.
– Einstein finishes counting, sees Newton and declares “Aha! Newton, I found you!”
– Newton replies “No, you found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal.”

Which Pokémon does Dracula like most?
-Koffin’.

Yo mama so hairy
– She accidentally guest starred on Finding Bigfoot

How come when a video of a squirrel putting a nut in a dog gets 18k upvotes and is called “Cute”
-but when I do it it’s a “heinous act” and my dog gets taken away?

Because there is no try.

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