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Funny jokes in 2025

What do you call a Ford with 200,000 miles on it?
– A lie.

I used to be able to recite the English alphabet before we met.
– Now, I can’t get past “u.”

Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years.
-Turtles do nothing and live for 150 years. Lesson learned.

What do you call an M&M that went to college?
– A smarty.

Where do bananas learn to split?
– At sundae school.

What do you call a duck that steals?
– A robber duck.

Why are chickens such bad umpires?
– They always call fowl balls.

The arrogant baker declared, “You’ll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window.”
-The customer agreed, “It must be the double glazing.”

I allow myself only one donut per year.
-This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952.

Why did the Croissants take the Donuts and Bagels to Disneyland?
-They thought it would be fun for the hole family.

Why do panda bears keep buying bamboo?
– They just like the stock!

What do you have to allocate in order to crash a Minecraft server on purpose?
– Premeditated Wam.

What do you call a man without a nose and a body?
– Nobody nose.

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
-In case they got a hole in one.

The school I teach at had a volleyball game tonight…
-I told the students that just because it is Halloween it does not give them the right to “boo” the refs.

What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?
-The police had to comb the area.

What do you call a cow in a tornado?
-A milkshake.

Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates?
– They call it Gno-man’s-land.

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