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One liner jokes in 2024

Consider the daffodil…
-and while you’re doing that, I’ll be over here, going through your stuff.

I at a clock yesterday…
-it was very time-consuming.

The liberals can understand everything
-but people who don’t understand them.

When I was a boy, I laid in my twin sized bed
-and wondered where my brother was.

When my boss asked me who was stupid, me or him,
-I told him he doesn’t hire stupid people.

I told him to be himself,
-that was pretty mean I guess.

A termite walks into the bar and asks,
-“Is the bar tender here?”

I can’t wait till Sunday,
-I’m gonna see my favorite niece and my other niece…

It’s sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as…
-wild dogs.

Any married person should forget their mistakes.
-No use two people remembering the same thing.

I have a friend. He keeps trying to convince me he’s a compulsive liar,
-but I don’t believe him.

Just burned 2,000 calories.
-That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

The people voting for the Oscars are so old.
-I haven’t seen one Academy Award voter with a tampon in her purse.

It became so cold in New York last night…
-that it forced the flashers to describe themselves to people.

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