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One liner jokes in 2025

y drug test came back negative.
-My dealer sure has some explaining to do.

My drug test came back negative.
-My dealer sure has some explaining to do.

I once saw two people wrapped in a barcode and had to ask
-“are you an item?

When you look like I do,
-it’s hard to get a table for one at chuckee cheese.

My Dad always knew I was going to be a comedian.
-When I was a baby he said, ‘Is this a joke?’

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather..
-Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Don’t talk to me about Valentine’s Day.
-At my age, an affair of the heart is a bypass.

am originally from Indiana.
-I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana — mafia.

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.
-She seemed surprised.

When life gives you melons,
-you might be dyslexic.

Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor.
-I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

It’s not that I’m afraid to die,
-I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?
– It gets toad away.

The problem isn’t that obesity runs in your family.
-The problem is no one runs in your family.

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity
-and he threw the teacher out of the window.

Thirty ways to shape up for summer.
-Number one: eat less. Number two: exercise more. Number three: what was I talking about again? I’m so hungry.

I looked up my family tree
-and found three dogs using it.

I’m on a whiskey diet…
-I’ve lost three days already.

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