Ole and Lena jokes in 2025

Lena is watching the news with Ole when the newscaster says, “Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.” Lena starts
crying to her husband, sobbing, “That’s horrible!”
Confused, he replies, “Yes Dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always dat risk involved.”
After a minute, Lena, still sobbing, says, “Ole, how many is a Brazilian?”

Lena is scrambling eggs when Ole bursts into the kitchen.
“Careful,” he cries. “Careful! You’re cooking too many at once. Too many! Scramble dem! Now! We need more butter
They’re going to stick! Careful! Now scramble dem again! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Don’t forget to salt dem. You know you
always forget to salt dem. Use da salt. Use da salt! Da salt!”
Lena turns and asks, “Ole, what is wrong with you?”
Ole calmly replies, “Vell, I wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.”

Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his
condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole.
Lena replied, “You yust put ‘Ole died’.”
The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, “That’s it? Just ‘Ole died?’ Surely, there must be something more you’d like to
say about Ole. If its money you’re concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more.”
So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, “O.K. You put ‘Ole died. Boat for sale.”

Ole goes into a lumber yard to buy some 2×4’s.”May I help you”, asks the salesman. “How long do you want’ em?”
Ole replies: “Oh, for long time. I’m building a house.”

Ole goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application. Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove
he is old enough. He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof.
Ole then goes home to his wife, shows her the check, and explains to her what has happened.
Lena replies, “Well get back down there, pull down your pants, and see if you can get disability

Ole and Sven are hunting when Sven keels over. Frantic, Ole dials 911 on his cell phone and shouts, “My friend Sven yust
dropped dead! Vat should I do?”
A calm voice on the other end says, “Don’t worry, I can help. First let’s make sure he’s really dead.” After a brief silence, the
operator hears a shot. Then Ole comes back to the phone.
“OK,” he says nervously to the operator. “Vat do I do next?”

Lena asks her boyfriend Ole to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. This being a big event, Lena tells
Ole that after dinner, she would like to go out and (vell ya know) for the first time. Well Ole is ecstatic, but he has never
(vell ya know) before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some protection.
The pharmacist helps Ole for about an hour. He teaches Ole everything there is to know about protection and (vell ya
know). At the register, the pharmacist asks Ole how many he’d like to buy; a 3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack. Ole insists
on the family pack because he thinks he will be very busy, it being his first time and all.
That night Ole shows up at the Lena’s parent’s house and meets her at the door. “Ole I’m so excited for you ta meet my
parents, come on in.” Ole goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where Lena’s parents are seated. Ole quickly offers to
say grace and bows his head. A minute passes and Ole is still deep in prayer with his head down. Three minutes of praying
pass and still no movement from Ole. Finally, after five minutes of praying with his head down, Lena leans over and
whispers to her Ole, “I had no idea you ver so religious.”
Ole turns and whispers back, “I had no idea your fadder vas a pharmacist.”

Two bowling teams, one Swedish, one Norwegian, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament. The
Swedish team rides on the bottom level of the bus, the Norwegian team rides on the top level.
The Swedish team, down below, is wooping it up and having a great time until one of them realizes he doesn’t hear
anything from the Norwegians upstairs. So, he decides to investigate.
When the Swede reaches the top, he finds the Norwegian team staring straight ahead at the road, frozen in fear, clutching
the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
“What’s going on up here?” asks the Swede. “We’re having a great time downstairs!”
“Ya,” screams a terrified Norwegian, “but you’ve got a driver!”

Ole goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application. Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove
he is old enough. He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof.
Ole then goes home to his wife, shows her the check, and explains to her what has happened.
Lena replies, “Well get back down there, pull down your pants, and see if you can get disability!”

Ole was excited when he completed a jigsaw puzzle in six months. Sven told him, “Ya know Ole, dat doesn’t sound so good.”
Ole replied, “Vell Sven, da box says right here, “two-to-four years.”

Sven asks “How do you know?”
Ole replies, “Dat’s my handwriting!”

So, Ole leaves Duluth to get a job as a chauffer driving a huge limosine in New York City. The Pope arrives at the airport and
Ole picks him up. The Pope wants to do the driving. Ole says that’s against company rules, but eventually gives in. The Pope
is a terrible driver, he goes up on the sidewalk, he doesn’t stop to pay the parking lot toll, it isn’t three minutes before a
policeman pulls him over. The policeman sees right away that he has a problem on how to hand out the ticket, so he calls
his supervisor down at the station & says “I need help in how to give a ticket to someone here who’s really important.” “Is it
the Mayor?” “No, more important than the Mayor?” “Is it the Senator?” “No, more important than the Senator.” “Well,
then who is it?” Policeman says “I’m not sure. I don’t recognize him, but he’s got the Pope driving for him.”

Ole walks into a shoe store and tries on a new pair of shoes.
“How do they feel?” asks the salesclerk.
“Well, they feel a bit tight,” replies Ole.
The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and Ole’s feet.
“Try pulling the tongue out,” offers the clerk.
“Nath, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth,” Ole replies.

Lars asks Ole, “Are you visiting us tomorrow? Do you need directions?”
“I’m all set”, replies Ole. I have da address, a GPS, and a GPS override.
“What da heck is a GPS override.” Asks Sven.
Ole says, “Dat woud be Lena.”

Lena is in labor at the hospital ya know. The doctor tells them that he invented a pill that transfers some of the labor pain to
the father. To Ole’s dismay, Lena takes the pill.
Lena delivers a boy and Ole is happy it didn’t hurt too much.
Soon after they return home with their baby only to discover the mailman dead on their lawn.

Ole walks into a shoe store and tries on a new pair of shoes.
“How do they feel?” asks the salesclerk.
“Well, they feel a bit tight,” replies Ole.
The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and Ole’s feet.
“Try pulling the tongue out,” offers the clerk.
“Nath, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth,” Ole replies.

Lena was arrested for shoplifting in a supermarket near Boyceville, WI. When she went before the judge he asked her,
“What did you steal?’ Lena replied, “A can of peaches.”
The judge asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied that there were six. The judge said, ‘Then I will give
you six days in jail.”
Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, Ole stood up, and asked the judge if he could say something.
The judge said, “What is it?”
Ole said, “She also stole a can of peas.”

Ole said to his wife, “Lena, what would you do if I won da lottery?”
Lena thought for a minute and replied, “I’m sorry Ole, I would take half and leave you.”
Ole looked back at his lottery ticket, “Great, I won twelve dollars. Here’s six. I’ll miss you.”