Ole and Lena jokes in 2025

A doctor peroformed a medical procedure on Lena and then warned her, “After this, you can’t have sex for at least three
days.”
“Did you hear that?” she asked Ole. “No sex for three days.”
“Oh, I heard,” Ole said. But she vas talking to you.”

Ole wore both of his winter jackets when he painted his house last July. The directions on the can saiid “put on two coats”

A bar customer asked the bartender if he wanted to hear a Norwegian joke. The bartender pointed to a large man at the
end of the bar and said, “He’s Norwegian.” Then the bartender pointed to a burly policeman near the door and repeated,
“He’s Norwegian.” The bartender finished, “Now think about whether you want to tell that joke, because I’m Norwegian,
too.”
The customer replied, “I guess I won’t tell that joke after all. I’d have to explain it three times.”

Ole gave his mother-in-law a cemetery plot for her birthday. The next year he gave her nothing. When Lena asked why not,
Ole answered, “Well, she didn’t use the present I gave her last year.”

Lena asked Ole one day, “Ole, will you still love me when I’m old and overweight?”
Ole replied, “Yes, I do.”

After an impromptu song at church, Lena mused to Ole, “I wonder what key I sang dat song in?”
Ole replied, “I tink mosta dem.”

Ole is traveling on a train and learns that he and pretty woman who he’s never met before have to share the same sleeping
carriage.
After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, Ole on the lower bunk.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes Ole and says, “I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m awfully cold and I
was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket.”
Ole leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, “I’ve got a better idea… just for tonight, let’s pretend ve’re married.”
The woman thinks for a moment. “Why not,” she giggles.
“Great,” Ole replies, “Get your own damn blanket!”

Lena asked Ole one day, “Ole, will you still love me when I’m old and overweight?”
Ole replied, “Yes, I do.”

Ole came home and saw a note on the refrigerator from his wife, Lena.
Lena wrote, “Ole, this isn’t working. I’ll be staying at my mother’s.”
Ole opens the fridge, the light turns on, and he says to himself, “What da hell? Da fridge is verking fine!”

Ole was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife, Lena, was really angry.
She told him, “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 PRETTY DAMN FAST!
The next morning Ole got up early and left for work. When Lena woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough
there was a gift-wrapped box in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, Lena put on her robe and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and
found a brand new bathroom scale.
Ole has been missing since Friday

Sven and Ole were building a house. Sven was holding a board and Ole was sawing it. All of a sudden, the saw slipped and
cut off one of Sven’s ears. They both were digging through the sawdust to find it, and Ole picked up an ear.
Ole says, ” Is this it?
Sven says, “Naw, mine had a pencil behind it.”

Ole was excited when he completed a jigsaw puzzle in six months. Sven told him, “Ya know Ole, dat doesn’t sound so good.”
Ole replied, “Vell Sven, da box says right here, “two-to-four years

Sven and Ole were drinking some suds when Sven started looking peeved by the text message he’d just received.
“Ole, you ever have an ex-girlfriend that just won’t go away?” Sven asked.
“Yeah,” Ole replied. “Dat would be my wife Lena.”

Lars was staggering home after a night in the tavern. A Lutheran minister saw him and offered to help him get home safely.
As they approached the house, Lars asked the minister to step inside for a moment. He explained, “I vant Lena to see who I
have been out vith.”

Every year for the 17th of May parade the Swedes line up on one side of the road for the parade, the Norwegians on the
other side. Those crazy Swedes would throw firecrackers at the Norwegians. Of course the Norwegians would get mad and
light the firecrackers and throw them back.

Ole tells Sven that somebody stole his credit card a few months ago.
Sven asks, “Dat’s terrible Ole. Did you report da card stolen?”
“Heck no!” says Ole. “He spends less than Lena!”

Ole decided to get a tattoo and had some words tattoed on his back. A few hours later the tattoo artist gets a call from an
angry Ole. “Ya bum, you did my tattoo backvard!”
The tattoo arist is confused, “It’s backward?”
Ole continues, “Ya I’m looking at it in da mirror right now!”
Sven was filling out an application when he appeared stuck. “Ole,” asked Sven, “What should I put for length of residence?”
“Oh,” said Ole, “I tink yours is about forty feet.”

Ole walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, “What happened to your ears?”
Ole says, “Yesterday I vas ironing a shirt ven da phone rang and I accidentally answered da iron.”
The boss says, “Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?”
Ole says, “I tried ta call da doctor.”