Ole and Lena jokes in 2025

Lena asks her boyfriend Ole to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. This being a big event, Lena tells
Ole that after dinner, she would like to go out and (vell ya know) for the first time. Well Ole is ecstatic, but he has never
(vell ya know) before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some protection.
The pharmacist helps Ole for about an hour. He teaches Ole everything there is to know about protection and (vell ya
know). At the register, the pharmacist asks Ole how many he’d like to buy; a 3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack. Ole insists
on the family pack because he thinks he will be very busy, it being his first time and all.
That night Ole shows up at the Lena’s parent’s house and meets her at the door. “Ole I’m so excited for you ta meet my
parents, come on in.” Ole goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where Lena’s parents are seated. Ole quickly offers to
say grace and bows his head. A minute passes and Ole is still deep in prayer with his head down. Three minutes of praying
pass and still no movement from Ole. Finally, after five minutes of praying with his head down, Lena leans over and
whispers to her Ole, “I had no idea you ver so religious.”
Ole turns and whispers back, “I had no idea your fadder vas a pharmacist.”

Two bowling teams, one Swedish, one Norwegian, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament. The
Swedish team rides on the bottom level of the bus, the Norwegian team rides on the top level.
The Swedish team, down below, is wooping it up and having a great time until one of them realizes he doesn’t hear
anything from the Norwegians upstairs. So, he decides to investigate.
When the Swede reaches the top, he finds the Norwegian team staring straight ahead at the road, frozen in fear, clutching
the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
“What’s going on up here?” asks the Swede. “We’re having a great time downstairs!”
“Ya,” screams a terrified Norwegian, “but you’ve got a driver!”

Ole goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application. Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove
he is old enough. He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof.
Ole then goes home to his wife, shows her the check, and explains to her what has happened.
Lena replies, “Well get back down there, pull down your pants, and see if you can get disability!”

Ole was excited when he completed a jigsaw puzzle in six months. Sven told him, “Ya know Ole, dat doesn’t sound so good.”
Ole replied, “Vell Sven, da box says right here, “two-to-four years.”

Sven asks “How do you know?”
Ole replies, “Dat’s my handwriting!”

So, Ole leaves Duluth to get a job as a chauffer driving a huge limosine in New York City. The Pope arrives at the airport and
Ole picks him up. The Pope wants to do the driving. Ole says that’s against company rules, but eventually gives in. The Pope
is a terrible driver, he goes up on the sidewalk, he doesn’t stop to pay the parking lot toll, it isn’t three minutes before a
policeman pulls him over. The policeman sees right away that he has a problem on how to hand out the ticket, so he calls
his supervisor down at the station & says “I need help in how to give a ticket to someone here who’s really important.” “Is it
the Mayor?” “No, more important than the Mayor?” “Is it the Senator?” “No, more important than the Senator.” “Well,
then who is it?” Policeman says “I’m not sure. I don’t recognize him, but he’s got the Pope driving for him.”

Ole walks into a shoe store and tries on a new pair of shoes.
“How do they feel?” asks the salesclerk.
“Well, they feel a bit tight,” replies Ole.
The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and Ole’s feet.
“Try pulling the tongue out,” offers the clerk.
“Nath, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth,” Ole replies.

Lars asks Ole, “Are you visiting us tomorrow? Do you need directions?”
“I’m all set”, replies Ole. I have da address, a GPS, and a GPS override.
“What da heck is a GPS override.” Asks Sven.
Ole says, “Dat woud be Lena.”

Lena is in labor at the hospital ya know. The doctor tells them that he invented a pill that transfers some of the labor pain to
the father. To Ole’s dismay, Lena takes the pill.
Lena delivers a boy and Ole is happy it didn’t hurt too much.
Soon after they return home with their baby only to discover the mailman dead on their lawn.

Ole walks into a shoe store and tries on a new pair of shoes.
“How do they feel?” asks the salesclerk.
“Well, they feel a bit tight,” replies Ole.
The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and Ole’s feet.
“Try pulling the tongue out,” offers the clerk.
“Nath, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth,” Ole replies.

Lena was arrested for shoplifting in a supermarket near Boyceville, WI. When she went before the judge he asked her,
“What did you steal?’ Lena replied, “A can of peaches.”
The judge asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied that there were six. The judge said, ‘Then I will give
you six days in jail.”
Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, Ole stood up, and asked the judge if he could say something.
The judge said, “What is it?”
Ole said, “She also stole a can of peas.”

Ole said to his wife, “Lena, what would you do if I won da lottery?”
Lena thought for a minute and replied, “I’m sorry Ole, I would take half and leave you.”
Ole looked back at his lottery ticket, “Great, I won twelve dollars. Here’s six. I’ll miss you.”

Ole and Lena are on the patio barbequing when Ole says to her, “Lena your butt is getting pretty big. Ya, it’s even bigger
than da BBQ grill!”
Lena is not amused.
Later that night in bed, Ole asks Lena, “Say, do ya want to, vell ya know?” Lena turns away and grunts.
“What’s wrong?” asks Ole.
Lena answers, “Do you really think I’m going to fire-up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?”

Lena and Margrit walk into a tanning salon. The receptionist asks, “Are you two sisters?”
Lena chuckled and replied, ” No, we aren’t even Catholic.”

Sven & Ole were working for the city of Minneapolis. Sven would dig a hole – he would dig, dig, dig. Ole would come along
and fill the hole – fill, fill, fill. Sven and Ole worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.
A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn’t believe how hard these men were working, but couldn’t understand
what they were doing. Finally, he had to ask them.
He said to Sven the hole digger, “I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner
comes along behind you and fills it up again!”
Sven, replied, “Yeah, I suppose it does look funny, but Lars, da guy who plants da trees is sick today.”

Ole tried to sell his car. He was having a lot of problems selling it because the car had 250,000 miles on it.
One day, he told his problem to a Sven who worked at the gas station. Sven told him, “Ole, der’s a way ta make da car
easier ta sell, but it ain’t legal.”
“Dat don’t matter,” replied Ole, “If I only can sell the car, dat’s ok.”
“Okay,” said Sven. “Here’s da address of a frienda mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell em I sent you and he vill turn da
counter in yer car back ta 50,000 miles. Den it von’t be a problem ta sell yer car anymore.”
The following weekend, Ole made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, Sven asked Ole, “Vell Ole, did ya
sell yer car?”
“No,” replied Ole, “Vy should I ya dummy? Now it only has 50,000 miles on it.”

The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena, who had charged non-support. He said to Ole, “I have decided to give your
wife $800 a month for support.”
“Vell, dat’s fine, Judge,” said Ole. “And vunce in a vile I’ll try ta chip in a few bucks myself.”

Ole gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and shouts, “Honey, I jus von da lottery! Pack your bags!”
Lena says, “Great! Vhat should I pack for? Da ocean or da mountains?”
He says, “I don’t care! Just be out by da end of da week!”