Ole and Lena jokes in 2025

Ole tells Sven, “I’ve been in love with the same woman for 25 years now Sven.”
Sven replies, “Ole that’s vunderful!”
Ole gets a serious look before he replies, “Sven, if my wife Lena finds out, she’ll kill me.”

Lena: “Ole I had a dream. I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring.”
Ole: “Ya I had da same dream and I saw your dad paying da bill.”

Ole’s neighbor Sven had a boy, Sven Junior, who came home one day and asked, “Papa, I have da biggest feet in da third
grade. Is dat becuss I’m Norvegian?”
“No,” said Sven, “It’s because you’re NINETEEN.”

Ole is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door. There are two sheriff’s deputies there. He asks if
there is a problem. One of the deputies asks if he is married, and if so, can he see a picture of his wife.
Ole says, “Sure.” and shows him a picture of his wife, Lena.
The sheriff says, “I’m sorry sir, but it looks like your wife’s been hit by a truck.”
Ole says, ” I know, but she has a great personality and is an excellent cook.”

Ole and Lena have six children. As a joke, Ole began to call his Lena “mother of six” rather than by her first name.
Lena is amused at first. But a few years down the road, she grows tired of it. “Mother of six,” Ole would say, “what’s for
dinner tonight? Get me a beer!” Lena gets very frustrated.
Finally, while attending a party with her, Ole jokingly yells out, “Mother of six, I think it’s time to go!”
Lena immediately shouts back, “I’ll be right with you, father of four!”

Ole realizes that it’s lunchtime, little Ole is getting very hungry, and Lena is in the shower. So he pokes his head in to ask,
“Lena, vat should I feed little Ole for lunch?”
“That’s up to you,” replied Lena. “There’s all kinds of food. Why don’t you pretend I’m not home?!”
A few minutes later Lena’s cell phone rang and she hops out of the shower to answer it.
“Yeah, hi honey, dis is Ole, vat should I feed little Ole for lunch?”

Ole went to the doctor for a physical. After Ole was dressed the doctor came in and said “I am sorry Ole, but you are very
sick and have only a few weeks to live”.
Ole went home with a heavy heart to tell Lena the news. After Ole told Lena he sat in his easy chair and Lena went to the
kitchen. Soon a heavenly aroma came from the kitchen. Lena was making his favorite cookies! “Lena must really love me” he thought. Ole went into the kitchen and started to take a cookie. Lena slapped his hand away and said “Get avay! Dese
cookies aren’t for you, der for da funeral!”

The Swedes and the Norwegians had a football game, starting at 10 a.m. For two hours they played a scoreless game.
When the lunch bell rang at high noon, the Norwegians walked off the field to go home for lunch.
Three plays later, the Swedes scored

Ole and Lena have six children. As a joke, Ole began to call his Lena “mother of six” rather than by her first name.
Lena is amused at first. But a few years down the road, she grows tired of it. “Mother of six,” Ole would say, “what’s for
dinner tonight? Get me a beer!” Lena gets very frustrated.
Finally, while attending a party with her, Ole jokingly yells out, “Mother of six, I think it’s time to go!”
Lena immediately shouts back, “I’ll be right with you, father of four!”

Ole and Lena are sitting on their porch and Ole is enjoying a beer. Ole says, “I love you.”
Lena turns to Ole and says, “Ole is dat you talking or da beer talking?”
Ole says, “Dat’s me talking to da beer!”

Ole went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. “I would like to buy dis TV,” he told the salesman.
“Sorry, we don’t sell to Norwegians,” he replied.
Ole hurried home and put on a hat and fake mustache, then came back and again told the salesman, “I would like to buy dis
TV.”
“Sorry, we don’t sell to Norwegians,” he replied.
“Darn, he recognized me,” Ole thought.
Ole waited a few days, put on a complete disguise and approached the salesman again. “I would like to buy dis TV!”
“Sorry, we don’t sell to Norwegians,” he replied.
Frustrated, Ole exclaimed, “How do you know I’m a Norvegian?”
“Because that’s a microwave,” he replied.

Sven and Ole were busy shingling a roof when Sven noticed that Ole was throwing away about half of the nails.
Sven asked, “vy are ya trowing avay all dose nails”?
“Vell, dey got da heads on da wrong ends!”, replied Ole.
“Ole, you sure are stupid. Dose nails are for da udder side of da roof!”

Ole gives Lena a new cell phone for Christmas. The next day she’s at Wal-Mart and the phone rings. Ole is on the phone and
asks her how she likes her new cell phone.
Lena replies, “Great Ole but howda know I was at da Wal-Mart?

During a bank robbery, the thief’s mask slipped off. He fixed it and asked a hostage.
“Did you see my face?” The hostage had, so the thief shot him. He asked the next hostage, same result.
The thief scowls at Ole and asks him if he saw his face.
“No, but I tink my wife got a good look at you.”

Little Ole asks his father, “Dad, are bugs good to eat?”
Ole replies, “That’s disgusting son. Don’t talk about things like that over dinner!”
After dinner Ole asks, “Now, son, what did you vant to ask me?”
“Oh, nothing,” little Ole says. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”

Lars: “Ole, stand in fronna my car and tell me if da turn signals are vorking”.
Ole: “Ya, No, Ya, No, Ya, No, Ya, No….”

A Norwegian appeared with five other men in a police line-up. As the victim entered the room, the Norwegian blurted,
“Yep, dat’s her!”

One day Ole came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in sexy lingerie.
“Ole, you can tie me up and do anything you want!”, Lena declared.
So Ole tied her up and went golfing