Ole and Lena jokes in 2025

Ole goes to the doctor and says, “Everywhere I touch with my finger hurts.”
The doctor asks “What do you mean?”
So Ole shows him what he means. He touches his knee and says “Ouch!” Then he touches his chest and says, “Ouch!” Then
he touches his shoulder, “Ouch!”
The doctor looks at Ole and shakes his head. “Ole you dummy, you got a broken finger!”

Sven is at work one day, when he notices that Ole is wearing an earring.
Sven walks up to Ole and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.”
Ole responds sheepishly, “Don’t make such a big deal out of this, it’s only an earring.”
Sven falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, “So how long have you been wearing one Ole?”
Ole responds, “Ever since my wife found it in my truck.”

On the advice of Sven, Ole goes to see an old Norwegian Shaman. Ole tells him, “Can you lift a curse that a priest put on me
years ago?”
“Maybe,” says the Shaman, “Can you remember the exact words of the curse?”
“Oh sure”, replies Ole, “I now pronounce you man and wife.

Lena lost her voice during an attack of laryngitis. Ole was helpful and devised a system of taps to help communicate.
One tap meant “Yes.” Two taps meant “No.” Six hundred and forty-three taps meant “Take out the garbage.”

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
“Vy sure,” comes the reply.
The first man then asks: “Ver ya from?”
“Norvay,” replies the second man.
The first man responds, “Ya don’t say, I’m from Norvay too! Let’s have anudder round to Norvay.”
Curious, the first man then asks: “Vere in Norvay are ya from?”
“Bergen,” comes the reply.
“I can’t believe it,” says the first man. “I’m from Bergen too! Let’s have anudder drink to old Bergen.”

Lena goes to the doctor and complains that her husband Ole is losing interest in (Vell ya know). The doctor gives her a pill,
but warns her that it is still experimental and tells her to slip it into some of Ole’s mashed potatoes at dinner.
About a week later, Lena is back at the doctor.
Lena says, “Doc, da pill verked great! I put it in da potatoes like you said! It wasn’t five minutes, and Ole jumps up, rakes all
da food and dishes on da floor, grabs me, rips all my clothes off, and ravages me right there on da table!”
The doctor says, “I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages.”
“Naah,” Lena says, “Dat’s okay. Ve aren’t going back ta dat restaurant anyvay.”

On the advice of Sven, Ole goes to see an old Norwegian Shaman. Ole tells him, “Can you lift a curse that a priest put on me
years ago?”
“Maybe,” says the Shaman, “Can you remember the exact words of the curse?”
“Oh sure”, replies Ole, “I now pronounce you man and wife.”

Sven is at work one day, when he notices that Ole is wearing an earring.
Sven walks up to Ole and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.”
Ole responds sheepishly, “Don’t make such a big deal out of this, it’s only an earring.”
Sven falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, “So how long have you been wearing one Ole?”
Ole responds, “Ever since my wife found it in my truck.”

Ole was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife, Lena, was really angry.
She told him, “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 PRETTY DAMN FAST!
The next morning Ole got up early and left for work. When Lena woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough
there was a gift-wrapped box in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, Lena put on her robe and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and
found a brand new bathroom scale.
Ole has been missing since Friday

Ole and Lena went to the hospital so Lena could give birth to their first baby. As Ole waited in the lobby, the doctor came
out to inform him that he had some good news and some bad news. “The good news is that you have a normal baby boy.
The bad news is that it’s a Caesarian.”
Ole started crying: “Vell, I’m glad it is a healthy baby…but I vas kinda hoping it vould be a Norvegian.”

Ole went to the Sons of Norway Hall one night and finally won the door prize, which was a toilet brush. He was so excited
that he won he brought it home and used it often. Someone asked him during the next meeting what the prize was and if
he liked it or not. Ole replied, “Yea I like the toilet brush, but I think I’m gonna go back to using paper.”

Ole came home and saw a note on the refrigerator from his wife, Lena.
Lena wrote, “Ole, this isn’t working. I’ll be staying at my mother’s.”
Ole opens the fridge, the light turns on, and he says to himself, “What da hell? Da fridge is verking fine!”

A doctor peroformed a medical procedure on Lena and then warned her, “After this, you can’t have sex for at least three
days.”
“Did you hear that?” she asked Ole. “No sex for three days.”
“Oh, I heard,” Ole said. But she vas talking to you.”

Ole wore both of his winter jackets when he painted his house last July. The directions on the can saiid “put on two coats”

A bar customer asked the bartender if he wanted to hear a Norwegian joke. The bartender pointed to a large man at the
end of the bar and said, “He’s Norwegian.” Then the bartender pointed to a burly policeman near the door and repeated,
“He’s Norwegian.” The bartender finished, “Now think about whether you want to tell that joke, because I’m Norwegian,
too.”
The customer replied, “I guess I won’t tell that joke after all. I’d have to explain it three times.”

Ole gave his mother-in-law a cemetery plot for her birthday. The next year he gave her nothing. When Lena asked why not,
Ole answered, “Well, she didn’t use the present I gave her last year.”

Lena asked Ole one day, “Ole, will you still love me when I’m old and overweight?”
Ole replied, “Yes, I do.”

After an impromptu song at church, Lena mused to Ole, “I wonder what key I sang dat song in?”
Ole replied, “I tink mosta dem.”