Ole and Lena jokes in 2025

Ole was driving home from work when he was pulled over for speeding. Two days later he was given another ticket by the
same officer for speeding on the same road.
“So,” the officer asked, “Ole, have you learned anything today?!”
Ole said. “Ya, I learnt I need to take a different vay home from verk!”

Ole and Lena visit New York City. Caught in traffic on East 46th, a homeless person starts washing the windshield. Ole rolls
down the window.
“Eh how’s it going?” the homeless guy says.
“Ohhh it’s OK.” Ole says.
“Hey where are you folks from?”
“Ohh ve’re from Minnesota.”
“Ohhh Minnesota, I’ve been there. I met the ugliest woman I ever saw in Minnesota!”
Lena asks “Vat’s he saying Ole?”
“Ohhh he says he knows you Lena.”

Ole was driving in traffic when he was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the
Ole’s car and asked, “Are you going to Oslo?”
“Sure,” answered Ole, “Do you need a lift?”
“Not for me. I’ll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I’ve got two chimpanzees in the back which
have to be delivered to the Zoo. They’re a bit stressed already so I don’t want to keep them on the road all day. Could you
possibly take them to the zoo for me? I’ll give you fifty dollars for your trouble.”
“I’d be happy to,” said Ole.
So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of Ole’s car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they
went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of Oslo when suddenly he was horrified. There was Ole
walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of the crowd.
With a screech of brakes, he pulled off the road and ran over to the Ole. “What the hell are you doing here?” he demanded,
“I gave you fifty dollars to take these chimpanzees to the zoo.”
“Ya, I know ya did,” said Ole, “but yust as ve got der it looked like it vas goin ta rain, so ve decided to go see a movie
instead.”

Ole walks into a pharma

Ole and Sven walk into a bar and they order some beers. After drinking his, Ole looks into his shirt pocket. They order
another round and Ole looks into his shirt pocket again. This goes on for a few more rounds.
Sven is curious, “Ole, why do you look in your pocket after each beer? “Whatcha got in der?”
Ole confesses, “I have a picture of my Lena in der, and when she starts ta look good, I go home.”

Ole decides he will go into town to buy some groceries. So off he goes. Within a few minutes, he comes to a river. He looks
up and down and across, but cannot see either a bridge or a spot to cross. Just as he is about to give up and go home, his
good friend Sven arrives on the other side. Ole calls out and asks how to get to the other side. Sven is surprised by the
question. He looks up the river and down, then down at his feet and then across at Ole.
Sven responds: “You are on da udder side!

Lena is in labor at the hospital ya know. The doctor tells them that he invented a pill that transfers some of the labor pain to
the father. To Ole’s dismay, Lena takes the pill.
Lena delivers a boy and Ole is happy it didn’t hurt too much.
Soon after they return home with their baby only to discover the mailman dead on their lawn.

Ole and Lena were walking in the park when a bird splattered Ole on top of her head. Lena offered to go get some toilet
paper.
“Von’t do no good.” Said Ole. “Dat bird will be miles away by da time ya get back.”

Ole was talking with his brother Sven, who lived next door, when Sven said, “Ya know Ole, you and Lena should really get
some new curtains.”
“Vy’s dat?” Ole asked.
“Vel last night I saw you and Lena, vel you know…”
Ole thought for awhile, then said, “Ha-ha Sven, da yokes on you! I vasn’t even home last night!”

Ole and Lena had an argument while they were driving down a country road. After a while they got tired of repeating
themselves and neither wanted to back down, so they drove along not saying a word.
Than, as they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, Lena sarcastically asked, “Relatives of yours?”
“Yup,” Ole replied. “In-laws.”

In the middle of the show, Ole stands up and yells at the ventriloquist, “HEY! You’ve been making too many jokes about us
Norwegians! Knock it off ya bum!”
The ventriloquist replies, “Take it easy. They’re only jokes!”
Ole replies, “You idiot, I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to dat little guy sitting on yer knee!”

Lena passed away and at the funeral, the pallbearers accidentally bumped the casket into a wall. They heard a faint moan
inside the casket. To everyone’s amazment, they opened the casket and found that Lena was still alive!
Well, Lena went on to live another ten more years before she died again, and they held another funeral for her.
While the pallbearers were carrying her out, Ole yelled, “Vatch out for da vall!”

Ole approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and said, “I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can
you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why do you want to talk to me?” she asked puzzled.
Ole replies, “Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, Lena appears out of nowhere.”

Ole always caught his limit of fish and he would never tell anyone his secret. Finally, the Game Warden threatened to take
away Ole’s license unless Ole taught him how he did it.
Ole finally agreed to meet him early one morning to go fishing. The Game Warden came with six rods and three tackle
boxes, so he’d be ready for anything. Ole showed up with a small brown paper bag.
They climbed in a row boat and Ole rowed out to a spot on the lake. Ole then opened his bag and pulled out a stick of
dynamite, lit it and tossed it into the water. After an explosion and shower of water, dozens of fish floated to the surface.
Ole started to row the boat around picking up fish.
The Game Warden was surprised and furious. He shouted, “Ole, you can’t do that! It’s against the LAW!”
Ole calmly reached into his bag and took out another stick of dynamite and lit it. He tossed it to the Game Warden and
asked, “Vell, are ya gonna to talk? Or, ya gonna fish?”

Ole and Lena were always out of ice in their home. They couldn’t make it. They could never remember the recipe

Ole tells Sven, “I’ve been in love with the same woman for 25 years now Sven.”
Sven replies, “Ole that’s vunderful!”
Ole gets a serious look before he replies, “Sven, if my wife Lena finds out, she’ll kill me.”

Lena: “Ole I had a dream. I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring.”
Ole: “Ya I had da same dream and I saw your dad paying da bill.”

Ole’s neighbor Sven had a boy, Sven Junior, who came home one day and asked, “Papa, I have da biggest feet in da third
grade. Is dat becuss I’m Norvegian?”
“No,” said Sven, “It’s because you’re NINETEEN.”

Ole is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door. There are two sheriff’s deputies there. He asks if
there is a problem. One of the deputies asks if he is married, and if so, can he see a picture of his wife.
Ole says, “Sure.” and shows him a picture of his wife, Lena.
The sheriff says, “I’m sorry sir, but it looks like your wife’s been hit by a truck.”
Ole says, ” I know, but she has a great personality and is an excellent cook.”