Ole and Lena jokes in 2025

In the middle of the show, Ole stands up and yells at the ventriloquist, “HEY! You’ve been making too many jokes about us
Norwegians! Knock it off ya bum!”
The ventriloquist replies, “Take it easy. They’re only jokes!”
Ole replies, “You idiot, I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to dat little guy sitting on yer knee!”

Ole approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and said, “I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can
you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why do you want to talk to me?” she asked puzzled.
Ole replies, “Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, Lena appears out of nowhere.”

Ole and Lars worked on a construction crew. One day Lars noticed that the foreman always left the project about an hour
early. “Say Ole,” suggested Lars, “Vy don’t WE take off a little early too… yust like da foreman.”
So they agreed to try it. As soon as Ole got home, he looked all over for Lena. Finally, he opened the bedroom door…and
there she was (Vell ya know) in bed with the foreman. Ole silently closed the door and tiptoed out of the house.
The next day Ole confronted Lars. “Ve better not try anudder stunt like ve did yesterday. I almost got caught!”

Ole wasn’t feeling well so he went to the doctor. After examining him the doctor took his wife, Lena, aside, and said, “your
husband has a very sensitive heart. I am afraid he s not going to make it, unless you treat him like a king, which means you
are at his every beck and call, 24 hours a day and that he doesn t have to do anything himself.”
On the way home Ole asked with a note of concern “Vhat did he say?
“Vell,” Lena responded, “he said it looks like you probably von’t make it.”

Ole tells his doctor that he can’t do all the chores around the house like he used to. When the examination is over, he says,
“Okay, Doctor. In plain English – what’s wrong with me?
“Well, in plain English,” says the doctor, “you’re just lazy.”
Ole nods. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell Lena.”

Lena is taking a shower when the doorbell rings. Ole, in the bathroom upstairs, yells for her to get the door. Lena throws a
towel on and runs down to open the door. Sven, their neighbor is there. Sven looks at Lena with only her towel on and says,
“Lena if you drop da towel, I vill give you five-hunnerd dollars.”
So Lena drops her towel. Keeping his promise, Sven gives her the money and leaves. Lena closes the door and goes back to
the bathroom. Ole asks her, “Who vas dat?
Lena replies, “Oh, dat vas Sven from next door.” Lena thinks fast. “I don’t know vat he vanted doh.”
Ole then asks, “Did he say anyting about da five-hunnerd dollars he owes me?”

Lena comes into the kitchen to talk to her husband and says, “Ole just look at me. My legs are heavy, my thighs are getting
big, and my boobs are sagging. I could really use a complement right about now.”
Ole replies, “Lena your eyesight is a good as ever!”

Lena tells Ole, “Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why don’t you do that?”
Ole seems puzzled, “How can I do dat? I don’t even know her.”

Ole is inconsolable after his dog goes missing. Lena suggests that he take out an ad in the newspaper, which he does.
“Well, what did you write in the ad?” asks Lena.
“Here boy!”, Ole replies

One fine spring day Ole decided to take Lena for a drive in his new car. As they were driving through town, a policeman
pulled them over and told Ole that he was doing 50 miles an hour in a 30 zone.
“Oh, no”, Ole protested. “I vas only doing tirty Officer.”
“No, you were doing fifty”, replied the cop.
“Really, Officer, I vas only doing tirty”, Ole replied stubbornly.
“Well”, bellowed the cop, “I clocked you doing FIFTY!”
At that point, Lena, sitting in the back seat and trying to be helpful, spoke up. “Officer…you really shouldn’t argue vit Ole
ven he’s been drinking.”

Ole and Lena were lying in bed one night when the phone rang, Ole answered it and Lena heard him yell, “Vell, how da hell
should I know, dats over 2,000 miles away” and he hung up.
Lena say’s “who vas dat Ole?”
Ole say’s “Hell if I know, some guy vants ta know if da coast is clear.”

Minnesota’s worst air disaster occurred earlier today when a Cessna 152, a small two-seater plane, crashed into a
Norwegian cemetery here early this morning.
Ole and Sven, working as search and rescue workers, have recovered 826 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as
digging continues into the night.

Ole came home and saw a note on the refrigerator from his wife, Lena.
Lena wrote, “Ole, this isn’t working. I’ll be staying at my mother’s.”
Ole opens the fridge, the light turns on, and he says to himself, “What da hell? Da fridge is verking fine!”

Ole is traveling on a train and learns that he and pretty woman who he’s never met before have to share the same sleeping
carriage.
After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, Ole on the lower bunk.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes Ole and says, “I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m awfully cold and I
was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket.”
Ole leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, “I’ve got a better idea… just for tonight, let’s pretend ve’re married.”
The woman thinks for a moment. “Why not,” she giggles.
“Great,” Ole replies, “Get your own damn blanket!”

Lena asked Ole one day, “Ole, will you still love me when I’m old and overweight?”
Ole replied, “Yes, I do.”

Ole was excited when he completed a jigsaw puzzle in six months. Sven told him, “Ya know Ole, dat doesn’t sound so good.”
Ole replied, “Vell Sven, da box says right here, “two-to-four years

Sven and Ole were drinking some suds when Sven started looking peeved by the text message he’d just received.
“Ole, you ever have an ex-girlfriend that just won’t go away?” Sven asked.
“Yeah,” Ole replied. “Dat would be my wife Lena.”

Ole was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife, Lena, was really angry.
She told him, “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 PRETTY DAMN FAST!
The next morning Ole got up early and left for work. When Lena woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough
there was a gift-wrapped box in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, Lena put on her robe and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and
found a brand new bathroom scale.
Ole has been missing since Friday