Ole and Lena jokes in 2025

Lena is in labor at the hospital ya know. The doctor tells them that he invented a pill that transfers some of the labor pain to
the father. To Ole’s dismay, Lena takes the pill.
Lena delivers a boy and Ole is happy it didn’t hurt too much.
Soon after they return home with their baby only to discover the mailman dead on their lawn.

Ole and Lena were walking in the park when a bird splattered Ole on top of her head. Lena offered to go get some toilet
paper.
“Von’t do no good.” Said Ole. “Dat bird will be miles away by da time ya get back.”

Ole was talking with his brother Sven, who lived next door, when Sven said, “Ya know Ole, you and Lena should really get
some new curtains.”
“Vy’s dat?” Ole asked.
“Vel last night I saw you and Lena, vel you know…”
Ole thought for awhile, then said, “Ha-ha Sven, da yokes on you! I vasn’t even home last night!”

Ole and Lena had an argument while they were driving down a country road. After a while they got tired of repeating
themselves and neither wanted to back down, so they drove along not saying a word.
Than, as they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, Lena sarcastically asked, “Relatives of yours?”
“Yup,” Ole replied. “In-laws.”

In the middle of the show, Ole stands up and yells at the ventriloquist, “HEY! You’ve been making too many jokes about us
Norwegians! Knock it off ya bum!”
The ventriloquist replies, “Take it easy. They’re only jokes!”
Ole replies, “You idiot, I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to dat little guy sitting on yer knee!”

Lena passed away and at the funeral, the pallbearers accidentally bumped the casket into a wall. They heard a faint moan
inside the casket. To everyone’s amazment, they opened the casket and found that Lena was still alive!
Well, Lena went on to live another ten more years before she died again, and they held another funeral for her.
While the pallbearers were carrying her out, Ole yelled, “Vatch out for da vall!”

Ole approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and said, “I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can
you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why do you want to talk to me?” she asked puzzled.
Ole replies, “Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, Lena appears out of nowhere.”

Ole and Lars worked on a construction crew. One day Lars noticed that the foreman always left the project about an hour
early. “Say Ole,” suggested Lars, “Vy don’t WE take off a little early too… yust like da foreman.”
So they agreed to try it. As soon as Ole got home, he looked all over for Lena. Finally, he opened the bedroom door…and
there she was (Vell ya know) in bed with the foreman. Ole silently closed the door and tiptoed out of the house.
The next day Ole confronted Lars. “Ve better not try anudder stunt like ve did yesterday. I almost got caught!”

Ole wasn’t feeling well so he went to the doctor. After examining him the doctor took his wife, Lena, aside, and said, “your
husband has a very sensitive heart. I am afraid he s not going to make it, unless you treat him like a king, which means you
are at his every beck and call, 24 hours a day and that he doesn t have to do anything himself.”
On the way home Ole asked with a note of concern “Vhat did he say?
“Vell,” Lena responded, “he said it looks like you probably von’t make it.”

Lena is taking a shower when the doorbell rings. Ole, in the bathroom upstairs, yells for her to get the door. Lena throws a
towel on and runs down to open the door. Sven, their neighbor is there. Sven looks at Lena with only her towel on and says,
“Lena if you drop da towel, I vill give you five-hunnerd dollars.”
So Lena drops her towel. Keeping his promise, Sven gives her the money and leaves. Lena closes the door and goes back to
the bathroom. Ole asks her, “Who vas dat?
Lena replies, “Oh, dat vas Sven from next door.” Lena thinks fast. “I don’t know vat he vanted doh.”
Ole then asks, “Did he say anyting about da five-hunnerd dollars he owes me?”

Lena comes into the kitchen to talk to her husband and says, “Ole just look at me. My legs are heavy, my thighs are getting
big, and my boobs are sagging. I could really use a complement right about now.”
Ole replies, “Lena your eyesight is a good as ever!”

Ole tells his doctor that he can’t do all the chores around the house like he used to. When the examination is over, he says,
“Okay, Doctor. In plain English – what’s wrong with me?
“Well, in plain English,” says the doctor, “you’re just lazy.”
Ole nods. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell Lena.”

Ole, Lena, and little Ole went to the big City for the first time. They were walking down the street and looking in the
windows of the big buildings. Little Ole spotted something that caught his eye and ran into a building. Big Ole and Lena
followed him.
There they all stood in front of a shiny metal door that was cut into a wall of black marble. A chubby, elderly, gray haired
lady walked up and pushed a button on the wall next to the door. The door opened and she walked into the little room
behind the shiny door. The door closed and the numbers above the door counted up and then down again. The shiny doors
opened and a beautiful, curvacious young lady walked out.
Little Ole said, “What kind of machine is dat, Pa?”
Big Ole replied, “I don’t know little Ole, but push dat button and shove your Ma in der.”

Ole and Lena were married for 40 years. When they first got married Ole said, “I am putting a box under da bed. You must
promise never ta look in it.” In all their 40 years of marriage Lena never looked. However, on the afternoon of their 40th
anniversary curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer cans and
$1934.87 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed.
Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why. That evening they were out for a special dinner.
After dinner Lena could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, “I am so sorry Ole. For all dese years I
kept my promise and never looked inta da box under our bed. However today da temptation vas too much and I gave in.
But now I need ta know vy do you keep da cans in da box?”
Ole thought for a while and said, “I guess after all dese years you deserve ta know da truth. Whenever I vas unfaithful ta
you I put an empty beer can in da box under da bed to remind myself not to do it again.”
Lena was shocked, but said, “I am very disappointed and saddened but I guess after all dose years away from home on the
road, temptation does happen and I guess dat 3 times is not dat bad considering da years.” They hugged and made their
peace.
A little while later Lena asked, “Ole, vy do you have all dat money in da box?” Ole answered, “Oh, whenever da box filled
with empties, I cashed em in.”

Lena comes into the kitchen to talk to her husband and says, “Ole just look at me. My legs are heavy, my thighs are getting
big, and my boobs are sagging. I could really use a complement right about now.”
Ole replies, “Lena your eyesight is a good as ever!”

Sven, Lars and Ole are crossing an enchanted bridge in Magical Fairyland when they run into a fairy. The fairy says that they
can be granted a transformation if they jump off the bridge and call out their wish. Sven immediately jumps off the bridge
and yells “Eagle!” He turns into a beautiful bird of prey and flies away. Lars jumps off the bridge and yells out “Salmon!” He
turns into a gorgeous shimmering salmon and swims upstream to spawn.
Ole is at this point so excited that he jumps off the bridge without thinking of his wish. He panics. “Crap!”

A Norwegian, a Swede and a Dane made a bet about who could stay the longest in a stinky pig barn. They all went in at the
same time. After only two minutes the Dane came running out. Five minutes later the Swede stumbled out the door. After
ten minutes, all the pigs ran out.

This absolutely incenses the devil. He can barely see straight. He finally comes up with a plan to set these two straight.
These two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives, so he decides to turn off all the heat. The next
morning, the temperature in hell is below zero, icicles are hanging off the ceilings, people are shivering so much that they
don’t even have the strength to complain. The devil smiles and heads over to check on Ole & Sven.
He arrives and finds the two back in their parkas, hats, and mittens. They are jumping up and down, cheering, and giving
each other hi-fives. The devil is now quite dumbfounded, “I just don’t understand, I turn up the heat and you’re happy. Now
I turn off the heat, it’s freezing and you’re still happy. Why?”
Ole and Sven stop their celebration and look at the devil with a surprised look and say “Vell, don’t ya know, hell froze over…
dat must mean da Vikings von da Super Bowl!”