Ole and Lena jokes in 2025

Lena passed away and Ole called 911. The 911 operator told Ole that she would send someone out right away.
“Where do you live?” asked the operator.
Ole answered, “At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.”
“Can you spell that for me?” the operator asked.
There was a long pause and finally Ole said, “How about if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?”

Ole tried hard but failed at being an inventor. His inventions included:
1. The inflatable dart board.
2. Glow-in-the-dark sunglasses.
3. A book on how to read.
4. The solar-powered flashlight.
5. A screen door for a submarine.
6. An Automatic parachute that opens on impact.
7. Helicopter ejection seats.

Ole and Lars go ice fishin. Ole pulls out his new thermos and Lars says to him, “Ole, whatcha got der?”.
Ole says, “Well Lars, dis here’s a thermos. It keeps hot tings hot, and it keeps cold tings cold.”
After awhile, Lars gets curious and says, “Vell Ole, whatcha got in dat der thermos?”
Ole says, “Vell Lars, I got a popsicle, and two cups a coffee.”

Ole was driving home from work when he was pulled over for speeding. Two days later he was given another ticket by the
same officer for speeding on the same road.
“So,” the officer asked, “Ole, have you learned anything today?!”
Ole said. “Ya, I learnt I need to take a different vay home from verk!”

Ole and Lena visit New York City. Caught in traffic on East 46th, a homeless person starts washing the windshield. Ole rolls
down the window.
“Eh how’s it going?” the homeless guy says.
“Ohhh it’s OK.” Ole says.
“Hey where are you folks from?”
“Ohh ve’re from Minnesota.”
“Ohhh Minnesota, I’ve been there. I met the ugliest woman I ever saw in Minnesota!”
Lena asks “Vat’s he saying Ole?”
“Ohhh he says he knows you Lena.”

Ole was driving in traffic when he was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the
Ole’s car and asked, “Are you going to Oslo?”
“Sure,” answered Ole, “Do you need a lift?”
“Not for me. I’ll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I’ve got two chimpanzees in the back which
have to be delivered to the Zoo. They’re a bit stressed already so I don’t want to keep them on the road all day. Could you
possibly take them to the zoo for me? I’ll give you fifty dollars for your trouble.”
“I’d be happy to,” said Ole.
So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of Ole’s car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they
went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of Oslo when suddenly he was horrified. There was Ole
walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of the crowd.
With a screech of brakes, he pulled off the road and ran over to the Ole. “What the hell are you doing here?” he demanded,
“I gave you fifty dollars to take these chimpanzees to the zoo.”
“Ya, I know ya did,” said Ole, “but yust as ve got der it looked like it vas goin ta rain, so ve decided to go see a movie
instead.”

Ole walks into a pharma

Ole and Sven walk into a bar and they order some beers. After drinking his, Ole looks into his shirt pocket. They order
another round and Ole looks into his shirt pocket again. This goes on for a few more rounds.
Sven is curious, “Ole, why do you look in your pocket after each beer? “Whatcha got in der?”
Ole confesses, “I have a picture of my Lena in der, and when she starts ta look good, I go home.”

Ole decides he will go into town to buy some groceries. So off he goes. Within a few minutes, he comes to a river. He looks
up and down and across, but cannot see either a bridge or a spot to cross. Just as he is about to give up and go home, his
good friend Sven arrives on the other side. Ole calls out and asks how to get to the other side. Sven is surprised by the
question. He looks up the river and down, then down at his feet and then across at Ole.
Sven responds: “You are on da udder side!

Lena is in labor at the hospital ya know. The doctor tells them that he invented a pill that transfers some of the labor pain to
the father. To Ole’s dismay, Lena takes the pill.
Lena delivers a boy and Ole is happy it didn’t hurt too much.
Soon after they return home with their baby only to discover the mailman dead on their lawn.

Ole and Lena were walking in the park when a bird splattered Ole on top of her head. Lena offered to go get some toilet
paper.
“Von’t do no good.” Said Ole. “Dat bird will be miles away by da time ya get back.”

Ole was talking with his brother Sven, who lived next door, when Sven said, “Ya know Ole, you and Lena should really get
some new curtains.”
“Vy’s dat?” Ole asked.
“Vel last night I saw you and Lena, vel you know…”
Ole thought for awhile, then said, “Ha-ha Sven, da yokes on you! I vasn’t even home last night!”

Ole and Lena had an argument while they were driving down a country road. After a while they got tired of repeating
themselves and neither wanted to back down, so they drove along not saying a word.
Than, as they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, Lena sarcastically asked, “Relatives of yours?”
“Yup,” Ole replied. “In-laws.”

Ole and Lena are on the patio barbequing when Ole says to her, “Lena your butt is getting pretty big. Ya, it’s even bigger
than da BBQ grill!”
Lena is not amused.
Later that night in bed, Ole asks Lena, “Say, do ya want to, vell ya know?” Lena turns away and grunts.
“What’s wrong?” asks Ole.
Lena answers, “Do you really think I’m going to fire-up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?”

Lena and Margrit walk into a tanning salon. The receptionist asks, “Are you two sisters?”
Lena chuckled and replied, ” No, we aren’t even Catholic.”

Sven & Ole were working for the city of Minneapolis. Sven would dig a hole – he would dig, dig, dig. Ole would come along
and fill the hole – fill, fill, fill. Sven and Ole worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.
A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn’t believe how hard these men were working, but couldn’t understand
what they were doing. Finally, he had to ask them.
He said to Sven the hole digger, “I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner
comes along behind you and fills it up again!”
Sven, replied, “Yeah, I suppose it does look funny, but Lars, da guy who plants da trees is sick today.”

Ole tried to sell his car. He was having a lot of problems selling it because the car had 250,000 miles on it.
One day, he told his problem to a Sven who worked at the gas station. Sven told him, “Ole, der’s a way ta make da car
easier ta sell, but it ain’t legal.”
“Dat don’t matter,” replied Ole, “If I only can sell the car, dat’s ok.”
“Okay,” said Sven. “Here’s da address of a frienda mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell em I sent you and he vill turn da
counter in yer car back ta 50,000 miles. Den it von’t be a problem ta sell yer car anymore.”
The following weekend, Ole made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, Sven asked Ole, “Vell Ole, did ya
sell yer car?”
“No,” replied Ole, “Vy should I ya dummy? Now it only has 50,000 miles on it.”

The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena, who had charged non-support. He said to Ole, “I have decided to give your
wife $800 a month for support.”
“Vell, dat’s fine, Judge,” said Ole. “And vunce in a vile I’ll try ta chip in a few bucks myself.”

Ole gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and shouts, “Honey, I jus von da lottery! Pack your bags!”
Lena says, “Great! Vhat should I pack for? Da ocean or da mountains?”
He says, “I don’t care! Just be out by da end of da week!”