Ole and Lena jokes in 2025

Ole and Sven are working on a barn. The wind comes up and blows their ladder over. Ole asks Sven, “How are ve going ta
get down?”
Sven looks around the roof for a while then says, “Well ders a manure pile on dat side a da barn ve could jump in to soften
da landing.”
Ole said, “OK Sven, but you go first, it vas your idea!” So Sven jumps off into the manure. Ole yells down to him, “How deep
is it Sven?”
Sven yells back, “Its only up to my ankles!” So Ole jumped down too and they both climb out of the manure pile.
Ole turns to Sven and said, “Sven vat da hell did you mean it vas only up ta your ankles? It vas up ta my EARS!”
Sven replies, “Ya, but I jumped in head first.”

Sven and Ole go to the beach, and after a couple hours Sven says, “This ain’t no fun. How come da girls aren’t friendly to
me?”
“Well, I tell you, Sven, maybe if you put a big potato in your swim trunks, dat would help.”
So Sven does, but he comes back to Ole later, and he says, “I tried vat you told me with da potato, but it doesn’t help.”
“Um, Sven, you’re supposed to put da potato in da FRONT!”

Ole answered the phone one day and came back to the living room crying.
“Vell, Ole! Vat in da vorld is da matter?” asked the sympathetic Lena.
“I yust had bad news, Lena,” Ole replied, “My fadder yust died!!”
Just then the phone rang again, Ole went to answer it and came back crying again.
“Vell, now, Ole, vat is da matter?” asked Lena.
“Dat vas my brudder.” said Ole. “His fadder yust died too!”

Ole approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and said, “I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can
you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why do you want to talk to me?” she asked puzzled.
Ole replies, “Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, Lena appears out of nowhere.”

Ole and Lars worked on a construction crew. One day Lars noticed that the foreman always left the project about an hour
early. “Say Ole,” suggested Lars, “Vy don’t WE take off a little early too… yust like da foreman.”
So they agreed to try it. As soon as Ole got home, he looked all over for Lena. Finally, he opened the bedroom door…and
there she was (Vell ya know) in bed with the foreman. Ole silently closed the door and tiptoed out of the house.
The next day Ole confronted Lars. “Ve better not try anudder stunt like ve did yesterday. I almost got caught!”

Ole wasn’t feeling well so he went to the doctor. After examining him the doctor took his wife, Lena, aside, and said, “your
husband has a very sensitive heart. I am afraid he s not going to make it, unless you treat him like a king, which means you
are at his every beck and call, 24 hours a day and that he doesn t have to do anything himself.”
On the way home Ole asked with a note of concern “Vhat did he say?
“Vell,” Lena responded, “he said it looks like you probably von’t make it.”

Lena is taking a shower when the doorbell rings. Ole, in the bathroom upstairs, yells for her to get the door. Lena throws a
towel on and runs down to open the door. Sven, their neighbor is there. Sven looks at Lena with only her towel on and says,
“Lena if you drop da towel, I vill give you five-hunnerd dollars.”
So Lena drops her towel. Keeping his promise, Sven gives her the money and leaves. Lena closes the door and goes back to
the bathroom. Ole asks her, “Who vas dat?
Lena replies, “Oh, dat vas Sven from next door.” Lena thinks fast. “I don’t know vat he vanted doh.”
Ole then asks, “Did he say anyting about da five-hunnerd dollars he owes me?”

Lena comes into the kitchen to talk to her husband and says, “Ole just look at me. My legs are heavy, my thighs are getting
big, and my boobs are sagging. I could really use a complement right about now.”
Ole replies, “Lena your eyesight is a good as ever!”

Ole tells his doctor that he can’t do all the chores around the house like he used to. When the examination is over, he says,
“Okay, Doctor. In plain English – what’s wrong with me?
“Well, in plain English,” says the doctor, “you’re just lazy.”
Ole nods. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell Lena.”

Lena tells Ole, “Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why don’t you do that?”
Ole seems puzzled, “How can I do dat? I don’t even know her.”

Ole is inconsolable after his dog goes missing. Lena suggests that he take out an ad in the newspaper, which he does.
“Well, what did you write in the ad?” asks Lena.
“Here boy!”, Ole replies

One fine spring day Ole decided to take Lena for a drive in his new car. As they were driving through town, a policeman
pulled them over and told Ole that he was doing 50 miles an hour in a 30 zone.
“Oh, no”, Ole protested. “I vas only doing tirty Officer.”
“No, you were doing fifty”, replied the cop.
“Really, Officer, I vas only doing tirty”, Ole replied stubbornly.
“Well”, bellowed the cop, “I clocked you doing FIFTY!”
At that point, Lena, sitting in the back seat and trying to be helpful, spoke up. “Officer…you really shouldn’t argue vit Ole
ven he’s been drinking.”

Ole and Lena were lying in bed one night when the phone rang, Ole answered it and Lena heard him yell, “Vell, how da hell
should I know, dats over 2,000 miles away” and he hung up.
Lena say’s “who vas dat Ole?”
Ole say’s “Hell if I know, some guy vants ta know if da coast is clear.”

Minnesota’s worst air disaster occurred earlier today when a Cessna 152, a small two-seater plane, crashed into a
Norwegian cemetery here early this morning.
Ole and Sven, working as search and rescue workers, have recovered 826 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as
digging continues into the night.

Ole went to the Doctor because he was feeling a little sick. After a few tests the Doctor told Ole, “I’m sorry to tell you that
you have a rare disease that is incurable and you are going to die in 6 months. But to help you out I’m going to prescribe
that you move in with your mother-in-law.”
Ole replied, “Criminy, dat’s bad Doc, but vy should I move in vit my old mudder-in-law.”
The Doc said, “Because that will be the longest 6 months of your life.”

One Sunday morning, the Lutheran pastor noticed Ole standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It
was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it. The old Norwegian had been staring at the
plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside Ole, and said quietly, ‘Good morning Ole.’
‘Good morning Pastor,’ he replied, still focused on the plaque. ‘Pastor, vat is dis?’ The pastor said, ‘Well, it’s a memorial to
all the men and women who died in the service. Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.
Finally, Ole’s voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked, ”Vich service, da 8:30 or da 10:45?”

Lena passed away and Ole called 911. The 911 operator told Ole that she would send someone out right away.
“Where do you live?” asked the operator.
Ole answered, “At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.”
“Can you spell that for me?” the operator asked.
There was a long pause and finally Ole said, “How about if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?”

Ole tried hard but failed at being an inventor. His inventions included:
1. The inflatable dart board.
2. Glow-in-the-dark sunglasses.
3. A book on how to read.
4. The solar-powered flashlight.
5. A screen door for a submarine.
6. An Automatic parachute that opens on impact.
7. Helicopter ejection seats.