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Octopus Jokes 🐙 in 2025

Who held the baby octopus for a ransom?…
– Squidnappers.

What do you call an octopus who thinks the glass if always half full?…
– An octomist.

What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
– I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand….

What do you get if you cross an octopus and a frog?
– A croak-topus!

An octopus held up the local bank…
– Apparently he was well armed.

How do we know that octopuses can’t commit crimes?…
– They don’t have a bad bone in their bodies.

How does an octopus propose to its sweetheart?…
– “I would like to ask for your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage.”

Why can’t an octopus commit a crime?
– They don’t have a bad bone in their body! (octopus don’t have bones)

Why is an octopus always positive?
– Because it always sees the octo-plus side of things!

A teacher asks the class to name six creatures that you might find in the sea.
– One of the pupils replies, “five octopuses and a herring”.

What do you get when you cross an octopus with a cow?…
– An animal that milks itself.

Who held the baby octopus for a ransom?…
– Squidnappers.

What is an octopus’s favourite game?
– Squidditch!

Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]Cat:
– you’re one short pal

A chap goes to the cinema and is surprised to see an octopus sitting on the seat beside him.
– “How come you are here?” he asks.
– The octopus says “I enjoyed the book”.

What did the octopus receive from the chiropractor?
– A back kraken.

What do you call a lesbian octopus?
– A lickalotopuss.

Where does an octopus sleep?
– On the seabed!

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