Nurse Jokes 👩‍⚕️ in 2025

What did the nurse say when a patient who had multiple vegetables stuck to his body asked, “What is wrong with me?”
-You’re not eating properly.

What were the nurses discussing at the medical conference? One of them asked, “Heard about the germ…?
-Oh never mind, I should not be spreading it around.”

What kind of nurse does not require any equipment to draw blood?
-Nurseferatu.

Why was the ambitious nursing student collecting skulls?
-She would do it to get a-head of everyone.

Do you know why that nurse joined HIPPA?
-I would tell you, but I don’t want to take the accountability.

Heard about the man who cut his fingers using an electric saw?
-When a nurse asked about the cut-off fingers, the man said, “I don’t have the fingers to pick them up.”

What happened to the kid who accidentally swallowed a pen?
-The nurse asked him to use a pencil until the doctor arrives and see him.

What’s It Called When A Hospital Runs Out Of Maternity Nurses?
-A mid-wife crisis!

What were the three nurses saying about the invisible patient?
– We should tell him that the doctor can’t see him right now.

How does Thor’s nurse treat him back to health?
-She Norses him through the night.

Nurse to doctor, “There’s a man in the waiting room who thinks he is invisible.”
-Doctor, “Tell him I can’t see him.”

What did the witch say to the nurse?
-I have an appointment with the doctor; I had a dizzy spell.

What is artery?
-dy of classical paintings.

Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell?
-It took her two weeks to realize that she wasn’t at work anymore!

What did the mattress say to the nurse?
-I think I have spring fever.

Why do nurses bring red magic markers into work?
-In case they have to draw blood.

What did the forgetful nurse say?
-I have a joke on amnesia, but I forget how it goes.

Why was the nurse feeling mad?
-He ran out of patients.