Nurse Jokes 👩‍⚕️ in 2025

What did the nurse say when a patient said, “I have swallowed a spoon”?
-Sit down, and please don’t stir.

What did the nurse reply when the patient complained about her pelvis?
– Oh, is he your second cousin after Elvis?

What was the reaction of the patient who broke three ribs while lifting?
-He felt like he had a weight on his chest.

What did the senior nurse advise the young nurse about her first injection?
-Just give your best shot.

What did the rope say to the nurse?
-I have an appointment with the doctor; I have a knot in my stomach.

What do nurses mean by postoperative?
– They think it’s a letter carrier.

How does everyone know when a nurse is having a bad day?
-She won’t stop needling people.

What did the nurse say when a patient said he swallowed a watch?
-These medicines will help pass the time.

Why was the night nurse so indecisive?
-She kept changing her shifts.

What did the guy say when the nurse informed him that she was about to deliver the baby?
-We want our baby to keep its liver, please!

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dishes. Dishes, who?
-ishes how I talk since I lost my teeth!

When I went to get my vaccinations the young nurse told me they were very nervous as it was their first time.
-I told them to give it their best shot.

Why did the banana say to the nurse?
-I am here to see the doctor. I am not peeling well!

What did the history student say when the nurse informed him he had a seizure?
-As in Julius Caesar?

Do you know why that man sent the nurse an X-ray of his entire chest?
-He wanted to tell her that his heart was indeed in the right place.

What did the pillow say to the nurse?
-Please help; I feel stuffed.

What is the main distinction between a nurse and a thirsty vampire?
-It is nothing! They both function during the night-time when most people are in bed, and draw their blood..

What did the night nurse say when the doctor asked if she took the patient’s temperature?
-No, is it missing?