Nurse Jokes 👩‍⚕️ in 2024

Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell?
-It took her two weeks to realize that she wasn’t at work anymore!

What did the mattress say to the nurse?
-I think I have spring fever.

Why do nurses bring red magic markers into work?
-In case they have to draw blood.

What did the forgetful nurse say?
-I have a joke on amnesia, but I forget how it goes.

Why was the nurse feeling mad?
-He ran out of patients.

How do night nurses feel when they think about their early days at the hospital and want to go back?
-They feel nursetalgic.

What do you call two ITU nurses holding hands?
-A synapse.

A ghost asked, “Nurse, can you tell me what does the X-ray of my head show?
-“Absolutely nothing!” she replied.

The teacher asked the nurse what is bacteria?
-One of them replied, “Is it a back door to the cafeteria?”

When is the worst time to have a heart attack?
– During a game of charades!

What did the balloon say to the nurse during the routine checks up?
– I am feeling light-headed.

What did the patient say when the nurse informed them that they would be administering an enema?
-But is it friendly?

What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket?
– “Some asshole has my pen!”

Why didn’t one nurse find the other nurse’s joke funny?
-She had an irony deficiency.

How many nurses do you need to change a lightbulb?
-It takes just one nurse but she needs 20 seconds to change the lightbulb and 45 minutes to chart it.

Doctor to nurse, “How is the child who swallowed a few quarters doing?”
-Nurse, “No change.”

Heard about the guy who kept thinking he was a bell?
-The nurse asked him to go home and give her a ring if the feeling persists.

What were the two nursing students discussing while doing their homework on biochemistry?
-One of them said, “Barium is what doctors do when their patients die.”