Nurse Jokes 👩‍⚕️ in 2025

What is the proper way to use a stress ball?
-Throw it at the last person who made you mad.

What is the main commonality between a nurse and an elf that works at the North pole?
-Both of them work the whole year, but another person gets all the credit.

How do you know that a dead body found by the side of the road is a nurse?
-Because its stomach is empty, its bladder is full, and its a$$ chewed!

What did the cookie say to the nurse?
-I am feeling crumby.

Doctor to nurse, “How is the child who swallowed a few quarters doing?”
-Nurse, “No change.”

Heard about the guy who kept thinking he was a bell?
-The nurse asked him to go home and give her a ring if the feeling persists.

What were the two nursing students discussing while doing their homework on biochemistry?
-One of them said, “Barium is what doctors do when their patients die.”

How long does it take a nurse to change a light bulb?
-About 15 seconds tops to change it and 20 minutes to document it – how, when, where, why, and what serial number it had.

Why did the robot asked the nurse to call the doctor immediately?
-Because it had a virus.

What did the man say when the nurse needed to administer him quickly?
-Yes, please do it fester.

What Do Transplant Nurses Hate?
-Rejection

What did the nurse say to the tonsil?
– You should get dressed. The doctor is going to take you out.

How was the invisible man cured?
-The nurse took him to the ICU.

Did you hear about the guy who had his entire left side cut off?
-He’s all right now.

What did the nurse say to the rocket ship?
-It’s time for your booster shot.

Why did the new nurse try to make eye contact with her patient?
-The senior nurse asked her to cauterize.

What did the nursing student ask when the teacher started teaching about D&C?
-Is this chapter about where Washington is?

What do you call two ITU nurses holding hands?
-A synapse.