Nurse Jokes 👩‍⚕️ in 2025

What did the nurse say when the patient said he felt like a carrot?
-The nurse advised him not to get himself in a stew.

What happens when a hospital doesn’t have enough maternity nurses?
-They go through a grave mid-wife crisis.

What is the proper way to use a stress ball?
-Throw it at the last person who made you mad.

What is the main commonality between a nurse and an elf that works at the North pole?
-Both of them work the whole year, but another person gets all the credit.

What did the nursing student ask when the teacher started teaching about D&C?
-Is this chapter about where Washington is?

What do you call two ITU nurses holding hands?
-A synapse.

What did Dracula say to the nurse?
-Please call the doctor. I can’t stop coffin.

How many nursing school students does it take to fit a screw on the wall?
-None, as students of nursing cannot put nails on anyone.

What is the opposite of you’re out?
-Urine.

What did the nurse reply when someone asked, “Does an apple a day keeps the doctor away?
-Yes, if you aim it nicely.

What did the new night nurse reply when the senior nurse asked her about nitrates?
-Are they cheaper in comparison to day rates?

How was the nurse’s advice on Q-tips received?
-It went inside one ear and out of the other.

Why did the patient identify the nurse as a curtain?
-Because she was seen pulling herself together.

What did the fashionista nurse say when the teacher started teaching about the new chapter on genes?
-Aha, here comes my favorite chapter!

What did the emu say to the nurse?
-Mend her bones or walk the plank.

What did the nurse say to the patient’s family?
-“I didn’t have the heart to tell you that the doctor wasn’t able to get the organ donor yesterday.”

What did the student nurse say when the teacher asked to differentiate an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
– The taste.

Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk quietly past the medicine cabinet?
– So they wouldn’t wake the sleeping pills.