Nurse Jokes 👩‍⚕️ in 2025

What did the nurse say when the patient said he felt like a carrot?
-The nurse advised him not to get himself in a stew.

What happens when a hospital doesn’t have enough maternity nurses?
-They go through a grave mid-wife crisis.

What is the proper way to use a stress ball?
-Throw it at the last person who made you mad.

What is the main commonality between a nurse and an elf that works at the North pole?
-Both of them work the whole year, but another person gets all the credit.

When I went to get my vaccinations the young nurse told me they were very nervous as it was their first time.
-I told them to give it their best shot.

Why did the banana say to the nurse?
-I am here to see the doctor. I am not peeling well!

What did the history student say when the nurse informed him he had a seizure?
-As in Julius Caesar?

Do you know why that man sent the nurse an X-ray of his entire chest?
-He wanted to tell her that his heart was indeed in the right place.

What did the pillow say to the nurse?
-Please help; I feel stuffed.

What is the main distinction between a nurse and a thirsty vampire?
-It is nothing! They both function during the night-time when most people are in bed, and draw their blood..

What did the night nurse say when the doctor asked if she took the patient’s temperature?
-No, is it missing?

What did the blood donor say to the nurse?
-“I feel super tired; it is such a draining process.”

What did the senior nurse say to the patient?
-OB nurses are at your cervix in nursing school.

Did you read about the night nurse who was squashed by a load of books?
-The only person she could blame was hershelf.

What did the bucket tell the nurse when she asked what happened?
-I am here to see the doctor; I have a pail face.

Why were the nurses so suspicious of the patient?
– He had a lot of secret-ion.

What would you call a night nurse that cared more about herself than her patient’s health?
-Nurse-issitic.

What did the nurse say when a patient who had multiple vegetables stuck to his body asked, “What is wrong with me?”
-You’re not eating properly.