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New Years jokes 🎇 in 2025

This New Years I was going to make a resolution never to be late again
-but I didn’t wake up until January 2nd.

A man asks his buddy for a cigarette. His friend quips, “I thought you made a New Year’s resolution and that you don’t smoke.” The man replied,
– “I’m in phase one of quitting.” Confused, his friend asked, “Phase one?” The man laughed, “Yes. I’ve quit buying.”

Every New Year’s I have the same question:
-“How did I get home?”

Some astronauts wanted to have a New Year’s party on the moon,
– but they didn’t planet in time.

What do criminals pay on Jan. 1?
-New Year’s restitution.

A new years resolution is something that goes in one year
-and out the other.

Where do you go to do your math homework on New Year’s Eve?
– Times Square

What’s the worst part of jogging on New Year’s Eve?
-The ice falling out of your drink!

Where can you practice multiplication tables on New Year’s Eve?
– Times Square.

“Out with the old, in with the new”
-is a fitting expression for a holiday that is based on vomiting.

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