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Neck jokes in 2025

It wasn’t much fun last year having a broken neck.
– But I can look back now and laugh.

Do you know where Chuck Norris stands on White Nationalists?
– On their necks.

(Bob holds Deric’s neck) Deric: “Water(what are) you doing?”

He takes a long time to swallow his pride.

Chap goes to the doctor and says “it hurts when I touch my neck, my arm or my chest”.
– The doctor says, “you’ve broken your finger”.

I’m not old. I woke up, I lifted my arms, I moved my knees, I turned my neck. Everything made the same noise: Crrrrrraaaaaaccccckkkk!
– So I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not old, I’m crispy!

Sometimes when I feel really lonely, I put a blade to my neck.
– The ladies like a clean shaven guy.

The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered
– “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”

If you agree to a beard growing contest, you will find you and your competition neck and neck.

And the award for the best neck wear of the year goes to…
– It’s a tie!

Some bloke just told me he was gonna smack me with the neck of his guitar….
– I said, is that a fret?

How do you save your wife from drowning?

– Take your foot off of her neck.

There is no cure for reptile dysfunction.
– Turtles who suffer with this will never get their necks out of their own shell.

Are you having a giraffe (laugh)?

Do you know why giraffes necks are so long?
– Because their heads are so far from their body

Are you paralyzed neck-down?
– Move your hands above your neck

How to get your woman to come upstairs say you are necked

The bodies are really starting to pile up, the sound before I throw them in the pile is so satisfying.
– I have been so happy since I learned how to crack a neck.

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