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Neck jokes in 2024

A giraffe must have a long neck.
– Look how far their body is from their head.

You will never look back if you have your neck infused.

What does it mean when lawyer is neck deep in s**t?
– We run out of s**t

A few days ago, I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck.
– Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.

Never gamble on a giraffe race. Just when you think you are winning by a neck, you lose by one.

The reason that Dracula has no friends is because he’s a pain in the neck.

Man in bed with his wife… Slides his hand slowly across her shoulders… across her waist.. under her neck… below her neck… under her back.. & suddenly STOPS! Wife: (in a romantic voice) “Why did you stop?”
– Man: “Got the remote, you can go back to sleep.”

I stuck my neck out for a friend
– Turned out they were a vampire.

What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body?
– Horribly ugly.

Vampires are extremely competitive.
– They will always finish neck and neck.

A friend of mine bet on a horse called polo neck.
– He heard he was a great jumper.

A woman picking apples at a farm fell from a ladder, breaking her neck…
– Fortunately, another farmhand saw her and quickly brought her in to where the horses were housed.
– She’s now in stable condition.

What goes Snap Crackle and Pop?
– A neck

To ward off vampires you must always sleep with one eye open and your hands covering your neck.

You’re not a patch on the other animals.

I entered a competition to see who could put on the most items of clothing in a minute. I was in the lead, but right at the last second, my opponent managed to throw something around his neck and draw level.
– It was a tie.

What do you call a drink that will make you feel numb from the neck down?
– A guillotini.

Did you know, curing boredom is quite simple.
– For instance, you could pretend to be an apple by tying a rope around your neck for a stem.

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