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Money jokes 💰💲 in 2025

Up until I bought this bag of chips I thought the air was free.

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Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
– He wanted cold, hard cash!

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What is brown and has a head and a tail, but no legs?
– A penny.

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How much money would you be left with if you win $5 million on the lottery and decide to donate a quarter of that to charity?
– You’ll still have $4,999,999.75.

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In England, what would you be called if you had to pay money to live inside a toilet?
– You’d probably be called a loo tenant.

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Money talks …but all mine ever says is good-bye.

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How much money does a skunk have? One scent!

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What has a hundred heads and a hundred tails?
– One hundred pennies.

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How can you become rich by eating?
– You should eat fortune cookies.

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Why should you invest all your money in yeast?
– Because it has the ability to make your dough rise.

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Why is money called dough?
– Because we all knead it.

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It’s true that money can’t buy you true love. It does, however, put you in a good position to bargain.

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If money grew on trees, what would be everyone’s favorite season?
– Fall.

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What was the football coach yelling to the vending machine that ate his money?
– He was saying “give me my quarterback”.

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If time is money are ATM’s time machines?

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I don’t mean to brag but I’m helping a Nigerian Prince with a pretty serious financial matter. I can’t really talk about it.

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Did you hear about the $5,000,000 New Jersey State Lottery?
– The winner gets $5 a year for a million years

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When does it rain money?
– When there is “change” in the weather.

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