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Military Jokes ⚔️ in 2025

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, “All right! All you idiots fall out.”
-As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. The drill instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him. The soldier smiled and said, “Sure were a lot of ’em, huh, sir?”

What’s the ideal cockpit crew? A dog and a pilot.
-The pilot is there to feed the dog. The dog is flying so that he can bite the pilot if he tries to touch anything.

Two fresh sailors were talking about assignments they would like to get.
-Sailor 1: “Someday I’d like to ride on a submarine.”
Sailor 2: “Not me! I wouldn’t set foot on any ship that sinks on purpose.”

Why does the Navy have Marines on their ships?
-Sheep are too obvious.

A soldier runs up a hill and around a corner before slamming into an officer.
-“Where do you think you’re going, son?”
“Sorry, Captain! It’s crazy out there and the firefight was so heavy. I got scared and tried to go AWOL.”
“Who you calling Captain? I’m a general!”
“Wow!” exclaimed the soldier. “I didn’t realize I’d run that far back.”

A general radios a colonel.
-“Got any smart majors?”
“Quite a few! Why?”
“Can you send some over? I need to move around some furniture.”

What’s the difference between a Navy aircrewman and an otter?
-The otter knows he’s not a seal.

Officer: Why weren’t you in your camouflage this morning?
-Soldier: “I was, sir.”
Officer: “Guess those tailors did a good job.”

How many guns do you need for a firefight?
-Two. One for us to shoot and one for the United States to sell to the enemy so he can shoot us back.

Which branch is the most patriotic?
– The Air Force because they are US AF.

What did the Navy say to the Coast Guard?
-“SEAL you later!”

What do you call a snail on a ship?
-A snailer.

What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces?
– They all originally set out to become Marines.

Why does the military only allow dress shirts at its ceremonies?
-Civilian casual tees are unacceptable.

How do different military branches use stars?
– The Army sleeps under the stars.
The Navy navigates by the stars.
The Air Force chooses hotels by the stars.

What do you call a large formation of MAC aircraft?
-A Big Mac Attack.

Why did the US Navy gift the British Navy glass-bottomed boats?
-So they could see the old British Navy.

What happened when the soldier went to the enemy bar?
-He got bombed.

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