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Military Jokes ⚔️ in 2025

What happened when the soldier went to the enemy bar?
-He got bombed.

I’m about to lose my job in the Navy unless I make some drastic changes.
-I have to take a course in anchor management.

It’s 1955 at a SAC B-36 base and an F-86 pilot is requesting landing instructions.
-He is low on fuel and asks for priority. The tower tells him he is second in line behind a B-36 with an engine out. The Jet pilot’s response, “Ahh, the dreaded nine engine landing.”

Why did God give the Marine one more brain cell than the horse?
-So he wouldn’t poop along the parade route.

My friend asked why I wouldn’t tell him my military rank.
-I told him it’s Private.

What month do all troops hate?
-March.

Where do rabbits learn to fly?
– The hare force.

Why do SEALs fall backward off the boat?
-If they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat.

Officer: “Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?”
-Soldier: “Sure, buddy.”
Officer: “That’s no way to address an officer! Now, let’s try it again!”
Officer: “Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?”
Soldier: “No, SIR!”

What’s the best job for babies in the Army?
-The Infantry.

Why does the Norwegian Navy put bar codes on their ships?
-So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.

How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over?
-He says, “Enough about me. Want to hear about my plane?”

Ever wonder what Marine stands for?
-Muscles. Are. Required. Intelligence. Not. Essential.

What do you call a bunch of squid joining the military?
-The kalim-army.

What do soldiers do when they find a scorpion in their tent?
-In the Marines, they kill the scorpion.
In the Army, they call their CO and report the presence of the scorpion.
In the Air Force, he calls the front desk and asks why there’s a tent in his room.

Why doesn’t the Army Football team have ice on the sidelines?
-The guy with the recipe finally graduated.

What do the Chinese call their Navy?
-The censor ships.

A general is sitting in his jeep on the side of the road when a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks, “Car stuck?”
-The general hands the Lt. his keys, slides into his jeep, and says, “Nope. But, yours is.”

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