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Military Jokes ⚔️ in 2025

What’s the Marines’ main mission?
-To make sure the Army never gets their feet wet.

What did the Navy dentist’s license plate read?
-TOP GUM.

An F-16 comes careening down the runway. It’s anything but smooth, fishtailing, and leaving a line of burnt rubber and sparks behind it.
-Tower: “Need any assistance, Airman?”
Pilot: “I don’t know, we’re not done crashing yet!”

What’s the worst thing you can say to a Marine?
-“I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to join the marines.”

Person 1: “My friend is so successful! He does surgery, is a military general, and was recently knighted by the Queen of England.”
-Person 2: “What do you call him?”
Person 3: “Sir Gen.”

Why do military men often marry lovers from the foreign countries in which they’re deployed?
-When they finally come home, they get to leave their in-laws thousands of miles away.

What grades do you need to join the Navy?
– Seven Cs.

A drill sergeant grumbles at his fresh young trainee, “I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning, private.”
– “Thank you very much, sir,” replies the soldier.

A captain halted a corporal and asked why his stripes weren’t on his sleeves.
-He replied, “They hurt my nose when I wiped.”

My friend has a really unhealthy relationship with Navy vessels.
– He warships them

What’s the purpose of the propeller?
-To keep the pilot cool. Doubt it? Stop the propeller and watch the pilot sweat.

A vegan, a cross-fitter, and a Marine walk into a bar…
-I know it because they announced it as soon as they walked in.

Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time?
-To see 20:20.

Did you hear about the karate master who joined the military?
– He saluted and nearly chopped off his own head.

What’s the difference between the Boy Scouts and the Army?
-The Boy Scouts have adult supervision.

What do you call an American Naval ship hijacked by pirates?
-USS-Arrrr!

Words of wisdom from the front lines:
-The coffee tastes better if the latrines are downstream from the encampment.

The morning radio announcer on the AFES station in Anchorage AK was giving the time one morning at 8 AM.
-He said, for those of you in the Air Force, it is 8 AM, the Army, it is 0800 hours, the Navy, it is 8 bells, and for the Marines, the little hand is on the 8 and the big hand is on the 12.

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