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Military Jokes ⚔️ in 2024

Where do rabbits learn to fly?
– The hare force.

Why do SEALs fall backward off the boat?
-If they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat.

Officer: “Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?”
-Soldier: “Sure, buddy.”
Officer: “That’s no way to address an officer! Now, let’s try it again!”
Officer: “Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?”
Soldier: “No, SIR!”

What’s the best job for babies in the Army?
-The Infantry.

Why does the Norwegian Navy put bar codes on their ships?
-So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.

How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over?
-He says, “Enough about me. Want to hear about my plane?”

Ever wonder what Marine stands for?
-Muscles. Are. Required. Intelligence. Not. Essential.

What do you call a bunch of squid joining the military?
-The kalim-army.

What do soldiers do when they find a scorpion in their tent?
-In the Marines, they kill the scorpion.
In the Army, they call their CO and report the presence of the scorpion.
In the Air Force, he calls the front desk and asks why there’s a tent in his room.

Why doesn’t the Army Football team have ice on the sidelines?
-The guy with the recipe finally graduated.

What do the Chinese call their Navy?
-The censor ships.

A general is sitting in his jeep on the side of the road when a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks, “Car stuck?”
-The general hands the Lt. his keys, slides into his jeep, and says, “Nope. But, yours is.”

What’s the Marines’ main mission?
-To make sure the Army never gets their feet wet.

What did the Navy dentist’s license plate read?
-TOP GUM.

An F-16 comes careening down the runway. It’s anything but smooth, fishtailing, and leaving a line of burnt rubber and sparks behind it.
-Tower: “Need any assistance, Airman?”
Pilot: “I don’t know, we’re not done crashing yet!”

What’s the worst thing you can say to a Marine?
-“I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to join the marines.”

Person 1: “My friend is so successful! He does surgery, is a military general, and was recently knighted by the Queen of England.”
-Person 2: “What do you call him?”
Person 3: “Sir Gen.”

Why do military men often marry lovers from the foreign countries in which they’re deployed?
-When they finally come home, they get to leave their in-laws thousands of miles away.

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