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Military Jokes ⚔️ in 2025

You can now be fined $500 for calling an officer an “a-hole.”
-Fifty bucks for calling them an “a-hole” and $450 for disclosing classified information.

What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces?
– They all originally set out to become Marines.

Why does the military only allow dress shirts at its ceremonies?
-Civilian casual tees are unacceptable.

How do different military branches use stars?
– The Army sleeps under the stars.
The Navy navigates by the stars.
The Air Force chooses hotels by the stars.

What do you call a large formation of MAC aircraft?
-A Big Mac Attack.

Why did the US Navy gift the British Navy glass-bottomed boats?
-So they could see the old British Navy.

What happened when the soldier went to the enemy bar?
-He got bombed.

I’m about to lose my job in the Navy unless I make some drastic changes.
-I have to take a course in anchor management.

It’s 1955 at a SAC B-36 base and an F-86 pilot is requesting landing instructions.
-He is low on fuel and asks for priority. The tower tells him he is second in line behind a B-36 with an engine out. The Jet pilot’s response, “Ahh, the dreaded nine engine landing.”

Why did God give the Marine one more brain cell than the horse?
-So he wouldn’t poop along the parade route.

My friend asked why I wouldn’t tell him my military rank.
-I told him it’s Private.

What month do all troops hate?
-March.

Where do rabbits learn to fly?
– The hare force.

Why do SEALs fall backward off the boat?
-If they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat.

Officer: “Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?”
-Soldier: “Sure, buddy.”
Officer: “That’s no way to address an officer! Now, let’s try it again!”
Officer: “Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?”
Soldier: “No, SIR!”

What’s the best job for babies in the Army?
-The Infantry.

Why does the Norwegian Navy put bar codes on their ships?
-So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.

How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over?
-He says, “Enough about me. Want to hear about my plane?”

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