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Military Jokes ⚔️ in 2024

My niece asked me if they have to swim to get in the Navy.
-I couldn’t figure it out, but I guessed she thought about it after my nephew declared that he was going into the Marines and stole her crayons.

What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces?
– They all originally set out to become Marines.

Why does the military only allow dress shirts at its ceremonies?
-Civilian casual tees are unacceptable.

How do different military branches use stars?
– The Army sleeps under the stars.
The Navy navigates by the stars.
The Air Force chooses hotels by the stars.

What do you call a large formation of MAC aircraft?
-A Big Mac Attack.

Why did the US Navy gift the British Navy glass-bottomed boats?
-So they could see the old British Navy.

What happened when the soldier went to the enemy bar?
-He got bombed.

I’m about to lose my job in the Navy unless I make some drastic changes.
-I have to take a course in anchor management.

It’s 1955 at a SAC B-36 base and an F-86 pilot is requesting landing instructions.
-He is low on fuel and asks for priority. The tower tells him he is second in line behind a B-36 with an engine out. The Jet pilot’s response, “Ahh, the dreaded nine engine landing.”

Why did God give the Marine one more brain cell than the horse?
-So he wouldn’t poop along the parade route.

My friend asked why I wouldn’t tell him my military rank.
-I told him it’s Private.

What month do all troops hate?
-March.

Where do rabbits learn to fly?
– The hare force.

Why do SEALs fall backward off the boat?
-If they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat.

Officer: “Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?”
-Soldier: “Sure, buddy.”
Officer: “That’s no way to address an officer! Now, let’s try it again!”
Officer: “Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?”
Soldier: “No, SIR!”

What’s the best job for babies in the Army?
-The Infantry.

Why does the Norwegian Navy put bar codes on their ships?
-So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.

How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over?
-He says, “Enough about me. Want to hear about my plane?”

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