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Microbiologist Jokes 👩‍🔬🦠 in 2025

Where do bacteria go to resolve disputes?
– The settling chamber.

What did the conservative biologist say?
– “The only cleavage I want to see is at the cellular level.”

How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam?
– An itsy bitsy book.

What did one bacteria say to the other bacteria?
– Your gene pool could use a little chlorine.

What do you call a cab that provides drug therapy?
– Chemotaxis.

What do football players wear on their heads?
– Helminth.

What did one bacteria say to the other bacteria?
– The problem with your gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Teacher: “What is the definition of a protein?”
– Student: “A protein is something that is made up of mean old acids.”

What is “HIJKLMNO”?
– H2O

Where do protozoa go to practice long jumping?
– The hopper.

What did the endoplasmic reticulum say to the Golgi?
– “I like your body,” it said.
– Golgi replied, “It’s complex.”

A couple of biologists had twins.
– They named one Jessica and the other Control.

What do you call a sewer expert?
– A connoissewer.

What did Cinderella say while reading a biology textbook?
– “I hate mitosis.”

What’s the tiniest virus in the world?
– Smallpox.

Y’all want to hear a Potassium joke?
– K

Did you hear about Robin Hood’s house?
– It has a Little John.

If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
– H2O cubed.

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