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Microbiologist Jokes 👩‍🔬🦠 in 2025

What did the one toilet say to the other toilet?
– You look flushed.

What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?
– One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.

One flower looks at the other and says, “You hungry?”
– The second flower responded, “I could use a light snack.”

A paramecium and an amoeba are walking down the street.
– The amoeba asks “So, lacking any pseudopodia, how do you manage to get around?
– The paramecium replies “A cilia question I’ve never heard!”

What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an amoeba?
– An amoebit. It can multiply and divide at the same time.

Why was the scuba diver failing biology?
– Because he was below “C” level.

Why did the paramecium cross the road?
– He was stuck to the chicken’s butt.

I was counting the money in my wallet and I remembered my microbiologist friend saying that money is the dirtiest thing you can touch all day. Turns out I have $144 in cash,
– But I guess that’s just gross….

What is blood’s message to the world?
– B positive.

Why did the bacteria make fun of the protozoan?
– He brought toilet paper to the crap game.

What did the femur say to the patella?
– “I kneed you.”

Biology professor: “Hello, class. Today we will be learning about the liver and the pancreas.”
– Biology student: “Ugh, I hate organ recitals.”

Why are environmentalists bad at playing cards?
– They like to avoid the flush.

How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam?
– As an itsy bitsy book.

What do you call an amoeba that crosses the road, jumps in a mud puddle and crosses the road again?
– A dirty double-crosser.

Where did the microbiologist go after receiving his PhD?
– …to a cell-laboratory gathering

What would you call the scientific study of real estate?
– Homology.

I wish I was adenine…
– Then I could get paired with U.

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