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Microbiologist Jokes 👩‍🔬🦠 in 2025

A couple of biologists had twins…
– They named one Jessica and the other Control.

Biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division.

Why did the bacteria cross the road?
– To prove he wasn’t chicken.

A microbiologist went over to his colleague at the bar and said…
– ‘I see you are also a man of culture.’

Why are men sexier than women?
– You can’t spell sexy without xy.

What did the conservative biologist say?
– The only cleavage I want to see is at the cellular level.

If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
– H2O cubed.

Why can’t a plant be on the dark side of the Force?
– Because it can’t make food without the light!

What types of flowers do bacteria like?
– Germaniums

Where do bacteria go to resolve disputes?
– The settling chamber.

What did the conservative biologist say?
– “The only cleavage I want to see is at the cellular level.”

How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam?
– An itsy bitsy book.

What did one bacteria say to the other bacteria?
– Your gene pool could use a little chlorine.

What do you call a cab that provides drug therapy?
– Chemotaxis.

What do football players wear on their heads?
– Helminth.

What did one bacteria say to the other bacteria?
– The problem with your gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Teacher: “What is the definition of a protein?”
– Student: “A protein is something that is made up of mean old acids.”

What is “HIJKLMNO”?
– H2O

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