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Medical Jokes 💉 in 2024

A good friend of mine has been fired for a minor indiscretion after 7 years of medical school.
– He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession.

Why don’t yogurt and medicine get along?
– One is probiotic, and the other is antibiotic!

Many veterans experience PTSD from the loud bangs of fireworks around holidays like 4th of July and New Years. My advice to them is to use noise-cancelling headphones, Netflix, and pharmaceutical-grade weed.
-Just like the children of Kabul.

What do you call alternative medicine that actually works?
– Medicine

What do conservatives call medical marijuana?
-Medi-sin

Why was the patient very angry when the nurse wake him up to take medicine?
-It was sleeping pill

After years in Veterinary medicine, I decided to learn Taxidermy also.
-Now my sign reads: “Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy — Either way,you get your dog back!”

What is the ironic part of medical school?
-It’s bad for your health.

Puzzled doctor: “Why are you shaking and gyrating in the clinic after collecting your bottle of medicine?” Patient points to bottle:
-Says here ‘Shake well before use’.”
“That refers to the bottle.

What’s France’s favourite pharmaceutical?
-Parisetamol.

A mother complained to her consultant about her daughter’s strange eating habits.
–”Eventually,” said the consultant, “she will rise and shine.”
-those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

Dolly Parton just got a dose of her own medicine.
-Literally.

Medicine
– Now her clothes don’t fit.

What do computers eat for a snack?
-Microchips

When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school.
– At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters

‘PNEIS’

and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered ‘SPINE’ are doctors today while rest are on Reddit.

A doctor once told me laughter was the best medicine
-I wish he knew i was still suffering from a stomach operation that just happened 2 days ago

I have been trying Chinese medicine for depression for about two months now
-I think its working. My tears have certainly been repressed.

My grandmother, 86 years old, just entered medical school.
– She’s a cadaver, and she is living death to the fullest.

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