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Medical Jokes 💉 in 2024

A sign on a cosmetic surgery clinics says:
-If life gives you lemons, a simple operation can give you melons

A forged DNS packet walked into a bar and asks the bartender
-“Need a root?” The next day, no one can find the bar…

I was at a small hotel in Madrid, feeling a bit sick, they surprisingly had a doctor there who had some over the counter medicine handy, I asked how a hotel this small had a doctor available
-He said “quite a shame, nobody expects the Spanish inn physician”

I have a medical condition, where i sometimes Turn into a small Tower with a weapon on top.
– My doctor said, it is called “Turret-Syndrome”

Kek day joke: What do you call the person who graduates medical school with the lowest GPA?
-Doctor.

What do you get when a doctor goes back in time to teach himself medicine?
– A pair o’ docs

Jesus dropped out of medical school.
-I hear he got nailed on the boards.

I stepped on a bottle of medicine and fell down the stairs…
-… that’s the last time I trip on robotussin.

I work at a pharmaceutical research lab, and we managed to kill a rat with marijuana today.
-To be fair, it took around 20 lbs of it and we had to drop it on him a few times.

Does an apple a day keep the doctor away?
-Only if you aim it well enough.

Ron Paul’s favorite medicine?
-Sudafed

Revolutionary medicine that cures Lyme Disease, but causes Tourette’s
– Now that’s gonna cause a lot of nervous tics

NSFW My American friend told me that she had a medical condition called prolapse
-Prolapse… Isn’t that considered a talent in Germany???

8 bytes walk into a bar, the bartenders asks “What will it be?”
-One of them says, “Make us a double.”

They say that laughter is the best medicine.
-Then, why was I kicked out the cancer ward for laughing at the patients?

They say that laughter is the best medicine…
-Tell that to the judge who held me in contempt for giggling during my patients’ testimonies.

This happened while I was in my first year of medical school. I was taking an exam in anatomy. It was really tough.
-They asked questions like, “How many bones are there in the hand?” I was stymied. I kept saying to myself, “How many bones are there in the hand?”

Two twins both studied medicine in college
-When they graduated they became a pair-a-medics

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