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Medical Jokes 💉 in 2025

There’s a medicine you can buy that apparently cures scepticism.
– But I’m not buying it.

I’m so proud of my grandma. At 90 years old she attended medical school
-She’s a cadaver.

I went to medical school with an incredibly ambitious guy who was obsessed with collecting skulls.
-He’d do anything to get a head

Courtesy of my 5 year old: Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
-To stop his coffin.

In medical school, you really do learn something new every day…
-…for instance, today I learned that it’s inappropriate to refer to infertile people as “seedless”.

Tele-Medicine
-With all the Covid around my doctor said we should do the routine checkups by tele-medicine. He had me get a thermometer and supplies from the pharmacy. I have my phone ready. I see that today I am scheduled for a prostate exam.

How do pharmaceutical companies evaluate the effectiveness of a laxative?
-By measuring its defficacy

I have a joke about the exceptional healthcare and medicine Trump took to recover from COVID.
-But, no one else would get it.

Whomever said laughter is the best medicine..
– clearly hasn’t tried curing diarrhea with a tickle fight.

What does a medical equation have in common with an onion?
-They both make you cry

What’s the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist?
-One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.

I figured out how to combine art and medicine.
-Become a phlebotomist. You get to draw all day.

My bro just got his anti-depressant medicine stolen from him. I asked him what he would say if he met the guy who stole it.
-“I hope he’s happy,” he said.

A good friend of mine has been fired for a minor indiscretion after 7 years of medical school.
– He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession.

Why don’t yogurt and medicine get along?
– One is probiotic, and the other is antibiotic!

Many veterans experience PTSD from the loud bangs of fireworks around holidays like 4th of July and New Years. My advice to them is to use noise-cancelling headphones, Netflix, and pharmaceutical-grade weed.
-Just like the children of Kabul.

What do you call alternative medicine that actually works?
– Medicine

What do conservatives call medical marijuana?
-Medi-sin

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