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Medical Jokes 💉 in 2025

There’s a medicine you can buy that apparently cures scepticism.
– But I’m not buying it.

I’m so proud of my grandma. At 90 years old she attended medical school
-She’s a cadaver.

Courtesy of my 5 year old: Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
-To stop his coffin.

In medical school, you really do learn something new every day…
-…for instance, today I learned that it’s inappropriate to refer to infertile people as “seedless”.

I went to medical school with an incredibly ambitious guy who was obsessed with collecting skulls.
-He’d do anything to get a head

What’s the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist?
-One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.

I figured out how to combine art and medicine.
-Become a phlebotomist. You get to draw all day.

My bro just got his anti-depressant medicine stolen from him. I asked him what he would say if he met the guy who stole it.
-“I hope he’s happy,” he said.

A good friend of mine has been fired for a minor indiscretion after 7 years of medical school.
– He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession.

Why don’t yogurt and medicine get along?
– One is probiotic, and the other is antibiotic!

Many veterans experience PTSD from the loud bangs of fireworks around holidays like 4th of July and New Years. My advice to them is to use noise-cancelling headphones, Netflix, and pharmaceutical-grade weed.
-Just like the children of Kabul.

What do you call alternative medicine that actually works?
– Medicine

What do conservatives call medical marijuana?
-Medi-sin

Why was the patient very angry when the nurse wake him up to take medicine?
-It was sleeping pill

After years in Veterinary medicine, I decided to learn Taxidermy also.
-Now my sign reads: “Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy — Either way,you get your dog back!”

What is the ironic part of medical school?
-It’s bad for your health.

Puzzled doctor: “Why are you shaking and gyrating in the clinic after collecting your bottle of medicine?” Patient points to bottle:
-Says here ‘Shake well before use’.”
“That refers to the bottle.

What’s France’s favourite pharmaceutical?
-Parisetamol.

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