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Marriage jokes ๐Ÿคต๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ‘ฐ in 2025

โ€œAny husband who says, โ€˜My wife and I are completely equal partnersโ€™, is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.โ€

My wife ran off with my best friend last week.
I miss him!

Marriages are made in heaven. Then again, so are thunder, lightning, tornadoes, and hail.

My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage. I take that as a compliment.

Just listen up while I tell you about this couple, and Iโ€™ll make it seem like the shortest 45 minutes of your life

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
The ceremony wasnโ€™t much, but the reception was excellent.

For those of you who donโ€™t know me, my name is (Name) and for those of you that do โ€ฆ well I apologize.
My full name is actually โ€˜(Name) would-you-like-a-drinkโ€™ For those of you who I chat to in the bar later, Iโ€™d appreciate it if you could use my full name.

Son: Dad, Iโ€™ve heard that in some parts of the world a man doesnโ€™t know his wife until he marries her.
Father: Son, thatโ€™s true everywhere.

Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
Take advantage of that as much as you can.

Husband: โ€œHow can I? I donโ€™t even know her.โ€

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen.
If there is anybody here who is feeling worried, nervous or apprehensive, youโ€™re either me (because I am) or you just married (groomโ€™s name).

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.
I had to put my foot down.

Every time you talk to your wife, your mind should remember that, โ€˜This conversation will be recorded for Training and Quality purposes.โ€

I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me, โ€œNothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace.โ€ So I bought her nothing.

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why.
But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

For those of you who donโ€™t know me, my name is (speakerโ€™s name), and I am the best man.
Let me just say that the groom has a splendid set of friends and to be chosen from such esteemed company was something of a surprise.
And since that moment I have struggled almost daily with an uneasy sensation, which I can compare only to the first disagreeable feelings which usually precede a fit of sea-sickness.

(Youโ€™ll need a prop for this one โ€“ a heavy stack of cue cards that might be used as memory joggers for your speech.) โ€œI caught up with Martinโ€™s mum earlier and she told me that I wasnโ€™t to mention any of the incidents with his ex-girlfriend [pause and put a third of the cue cards on the table], alcohol, [pause and put the second third of the cue cards on the table] or the policeโ€ฆ[put the remaining cards down and start to gently whistle to yourself]โ€ฆwell thatโ€™s that then!โ€

Leading up to today the Bride and Groom were having an issue with the seating plan.
Who would sit comfortably in here & who would have to get up and stand during the speeches so we decided to use wedding present list, biggest presents at front and work it back from there.
So hopefully you can hear me at the back when I say on behalf of (Bride) and (Groom) thankโ€you very much for the teaspoons.

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