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Marriage jokes ๐Ÿคต๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ‘ฐ in 2025

Donโ€™t worry, my speech wonโ€™t take too long today,
– because of my throat. The bride has threatened to cut it if I go on for too long.
And the groom has threatened to cut it if I mention anything about the party weekend in Vegas.

Did you hear about the two cellphones that got married?
– I heard the reception was perfect.

โ€œThe secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.โ€

The groom is a very talented man. Very talented indeed โ€ฆ Heโ€™s a gifted inventor, a shrewd businessman, a deep thinker and a noted connoisseur of the arts. Heโ€™s so talented he can fake all of that.

I tried comforting the jilted bride by reminding her, โ€œAt least the wedding went off without a hitch.โ€

Someone once said that marriage is a 50/50 partnership, but anyone who believes that clearly knows nothing about women or fractions!

It was the first night of the newlyweds in their bridal suite and the young husband was staring out the window very intently into the starry night while his young bride was sitting patiently in bed waiting. โ€œArenโ€™t you coming to bed darling?โ€ she said sexily.โ€Not in your life!โ€ he replied. โ€œMy mother said this would be the most wonderful night of my life and Iโ€™m not going to miss it for anything!โ€

Whenever my wife packs me a salad for lunch all I wanna know is what I did wrong.

My wife says I never listenโ€ฆ or something like that.

Women marry because they believe that he will change one day. Men marry because they believe sheโ€™ll never change. Both are mistaken.

(This one is interactive.) Have the Best Man ask for anyone with keys to the Groomโ€™s apartment to step forward and return them. In advance, hand out keys to 10-15 women (including the groomโ€™s grandma!) and have them come up and return them.
Then have the Best Man ask for anyone who has keys to the brideโ€™s place, and have only her dad come up.

What is the penalty for bigamy?
– Two mothers-in-law.

Marriage is becoming more and more progressive.
I heard two scoutmasters recently decided to tie the knot.

Well, what can I tell you about the groom? Iโ€™ve known him for about 10 years, heโ€™s handsome, intelligent, witty, charismatic..sorry, wrong wedding.

My wife and I always compromise.
I admit Iโ€™m wrong and she agrees with me.

On their wedding night, a groom asks his new bride, โ€œHoney, am I your first?โ€ She says, โ€œWhy does everyone ask me that?โ€

Just asked my wife what sheโ€™s โ€œburning up for dinnerโ€ and it turned out to be all of my personal belongings.

When I first started dating my wife she asked me what some of my dreams were.
I told her one was about a T-Rex who didnโ€™t get a job because he couldnโ€™t tie a tie.
She meant goals.

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