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Marriage jokes ๐Ÿคต๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ‘ฐ in 2025

Did you hear about the newlyweds who stayed up all night waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?

I need to start paying closer attention to stuff.
Found out today my wife and I have separate names for the cat.

My speech today will be like a mini-skirt.
Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention!

So where do I start with (Groomโ€™s name) ? Well for starters heโ€™sโ€ฆHandsome, Witty, Intelligent, Heโ€™s Charโ€ฆ Charmโ€ฆ. Sorryโ€ฆ.(Groomโ€™s name) โ€ฆ. Iโ€™m having trouble reading your handwriting, you can tell me the rest later.

I always wanted to marry an Archeologist. The older I would get, the more interested she would become!

What did Cinderella say when her photos did not show up?
– Someday my prints will come!

A retired husband is often a wifeโ€™s full-time job.

Well, I do hope that the bride and groom enjoy their honeymoon. I assume thatโ€™s where theyโ€™re going anyway. When I asked the groom what he was doing after the wedding he said he was going to Bangor for two weeksโ€ฆ

Donโ€™t worry, my speech wonโ€™t take too long today,
– because of my throat. The bride has threatened to cut it if I go on for too long.
And the groom has threatened to cut it if I mention anything about the party weekend in Vegas.

Did you hear about the two cellphones that got married?
– I heard the reception was perfect.

โ€œThe secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.โ€

The groom is a very talented man. Very talented indeed โ€ฆ Heโ€™s a gifted inventor, a shrewd businessman, a deep thinker and a noted connoisseur of the arts. Heโ€™s so talented he can fake all of that.

I tried comforting the jilted bride by reminding her, โ€œAt least the wedding went off without a hitch.โ€

Someone once said that marriage is a 50/50 partnership, but anyone who believes that clearly knows nothing about women or fractions!

It was the first night of the newlyweds in their bridal suite and the young husband was staring out the window very intently into the starry night while his young bride was sitting patiently in bed waiting. โ€œArenโ€™t you coming to bed darling?โ€ she said sexily.โ€Not in your life!โ€ he replied. โ€œMy mother said this would be the most wonderful night of my life and Iโ€™m not going to miss it for anything!โ€

Whenever my wife packs me a salad for lunch all I wanna know is what I did wrong.

My wife says I never listenโ€ฆ or something like that.

Women marry because they believe that he will change one day. Men marry because they believe sheโ€™ll never change. Both are mistaken.

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