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Marriage jokes ๐Ÿคต๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ‘ฐ in 2025

Before I start ladies and gentlemen, let us observe a few moments of silence in memory of the 3,000 prawns, 200 chickens, countless carnations, delphiniums, lilies and roses who selflessly gave their lives to make this wedding celebration possible.

Do you know why the king of hearts married the Queen of hearts?
– They were perfectly suited for each other.

Iโ€™d also like to congratulate the groom on a truly magnificent speech, I always knew it would be hard to follow, and I was right, I could hardly follow a word of it.

Taking my husbandโ€™s last name doesnโ€™t mean Iโ€™m not a feminist; it means I donโ€™t want anyone I went to high school with to be able to find me ever again.

He has been in love with the same woman for 25 yearsโ€”I hope his wife doesnโ€™t find out.

The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are โ€œI apologizeโ€ and โ€œYou are right.โ€

Outvoted 1-1 by my wife again.

Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no.

Man: โ€œI havenโ€™t spoken to my wife in 18 months.โ€
Friend: โ€œWhy not?โ€
Man: โ€œI donโ€™t like to interrupt her.โ€

Any married man should forget his mistakes, thereโ€™s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

My wife gave birth four times and still fits in her prom dress from high school.
– I gave birth 0 times and I havenโ€™t fit in my pants since March.

โ€œMarriage is like a video game. Starts off easy, then gets harder, and eventually you go online and find a way to cheat.โ€

I didnโ€™t really know where to start so I thought Iโ€™d trawl the internet.
After a couple of hours Iโ€™d found some really, really good stuff.
But then I remembered that I was supposed to be writing a speech.

If I have to choose between a husband and shoes, I choose shoes.
They tend to last longer and are easier to replace.

A couple were married for 67 years. The husband was asked if in all those years he had ever thought of divorce.
โ€œHeavens no,โ€ he replied. โ€œMurder yes, but never divorce.โ€

My wife says I can join your gang but I have to be home by 9.

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, โ€œArenโ€™t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?โ€
– The other replied, โ€œYes, I am, I married the wrong man.โ€

Marriage is like a bar of soap.
It smells delicious until you take a bite out of it!

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