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Marriage jokes ๐Ÿคต๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ‘ฐ in 2025

My doctor told me I needed to break a sweat once a day so I told him Iโ€™d start lying to my wife.

Why did the Mormon cross the road?
– To get to the other bride.

On the groomโ€™s first date with the bride, he thought heโ€™d make an impression, and promised her a seven-course meal.
She was a tad disappointed when it turned out to be a burger and a six pack!

โ€œI asked my husband, โ€˜Where do you want to go for our anniversary?โ€™ He said, โ€˜Somewhere I have never been!โ€™ I told him, โ€˜How about the kitchen?โ€™

Marriage is like deleting all the apps on your phone except one.

Arguing with your wife/husband is a lot like trying to read the Terms of Use on the internet.
In the end, you just give up and go โ€˜I agree.โ€™

What do you call two spiders that just got married?
– Newly-webs.

When I was younger, my brother (the Groom) used to push me down the stairs, ridicule me in front of our family and friends, and beat me up on a daily basis.
Finally, after 20 years, he finally realized who the best man is.

It would be wonderful someday to see (bride) and (groom) have children. I think people who never have children just donโ€™t understand what theyโ€™re missing.
Theyโ€™ll never know the thrill of coming home after a hard days work to see their children stuffing spaghetti up their noses.

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

(Giving a wedding speech) โ€œThere are two kinds of people in this world. Those who finish what they startโ€ฆโ€

Man is incomplete until he is married.
Then he is really finished.

Todayโ€™s wedding is a love match, pure as simple. Sheโ€™s pure, and heโ€™s simple.

Firstly, I would like to say that (insert groomโ€™s name), Iโ€™m sure everybody here today believes that you are a very very, very lucky young man, you have taken (insert brideโ€™s name) hand in marriage.
We all know that (insert brideโ€™s name) is smart, funny, warm, loving and caring, and by all accounts she deserves a good husband, so thank god you married her before she found one.

Marriage is full of surprises but itโ€™s mostly just asking each other, โ€œDo you have to do that right now?โ€

Of course, the groom has always been incredibly image conscious, but this morning was particularly bad โ€“ he spent three hours in the bathroom! To get an idea of what thatโ€™s like, why not agree to make a wedding speech?

My son asked me what itโ€™s like to be married so I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.

I spoke to the bride and groom before the wedding and I asked the groom what he was looking for in marriage.
He said, โ€œLove, happiness and a long life together.โ€ When I asked the bride the same question, she replied, โ€œCoffee and turn up the AC.โ€

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