Most Popular Categories

All Categories

Marriage jokes ๐Ÿคต๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ‘ฐ in 2025

(Giving a wedding speech) โ€œThere are two kinds of people in this world. Those who finish what they startโ€ฆโ€

Man is incomplete until he is married.
Then he is really finished.

Todayโ€™s wedding is a love match, pure as simple. Sheโ€™s pure, and heโ€™s simple.

Firstly, I would like to say that (insert groomโ€™s name), Iโ€™m sure everybody here today believes that you are a very very, very lucky young man, you have taken (insert brideโ€™s name) hand in marriage.
We all know that (insert brideโ€™s name) is smart, funny, warm, loving and caring, and by all accounts she deserves a good husband, so thank god you married her before she found one.

Marriage is full of surprises but itโ€™s mostly just asking each other, โ€œDo you have to do that right now?โ€

Of course, the groom has always been incredibly image conscious, but this morning was particularly bad โ€“ he spent three hours in the bathroom! To get an idea of what thatโ€™s like, why not agree to make a wedding speech?

My son asked me what itโ€™s like to be married so I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.

I spoke to the bride and groom before the wedding and I asked the groom what he was looking for in marriage.
He said, โ€œLove, happiness and a long life together.โ€ When I asked the bride the same question, she replied, โ€œCoffee and turn up the AC.โ€

Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.

Iโ€™d now like to focus on the groom for a moment.
Enjoy it, mate. After today, this is the last time youโ€™ll ever be the center of attention.

Ladies and Gentlemen: you are all about to witness a unique event in history.
The very first and very last time that my wife is going to let me speak on behalf of both of us.

Did you hear about the two bed bugs that were lovers?
– They got married in the spring.

Iโ€™m pleased to announce that [Bride] and [Groom] are expectingโ€ฆ[pause] โ€ฆ you all to have a good time tonight!

Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
– Theyโ€™re hard to get started, emit foul odors and donโ€™t work half the time!

The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.

Mark has always been a bit of a hypochondriac but I think he learned his lesson during exam time when he took a sleeping tablet and a laxative in the same night.
That was a messy one!

As Aristotle said, โ€œLove is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.โ€
But marriage is more like your wife inhabiting both bodies.

There was a man who said, โ€œI never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late.โ€

Follow us on Facebook