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Marriage jokes ๐Ÿคต๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ‘ฐ in 2025

โ€œThe moment you have in your heart this extraordinary thing called love and feel the depth, the delight, the ecstasy of it, you will discover that for you the world is transformed.โ€

Iโ€™m not a yes man to my wifeโ€”when she says no, I say no.

โ€œPeople are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success.
Actually, it is no secret at all.
I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.โ€

A little boy asked his father, โ€œDaddy, how much does it cost to get married?โ€
– And the father replied, โ€œI donโ€™t know, son, Iโ€™m still paying for it.โ€

Firstly, Iโ€™d just like to say Iโ€™m very nervous about making this speech.
In fact this must be the third time today that I have stood up from a warm seat with pieces of paper in my hand.

Fornicationโ€ฆ [silence]โ€ฆ coughโ€ฆ Forni-โ€ฆ coughโ€ฆ FOR-AN-OCCASION, such as this, I like to start with a joke.

For newly married couples, there is a progression of rings: the engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering!

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one.
The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Didnโ€™t she (the bride) look absolutely gorgeous as she swept down the aisle. Well, (groomโ€™s name), you can be sure thatโ€™s the very last time you will see her sweep!

My wife made me a green hamburger today to celebrate St Patricks Day. I asked her how she colored it and she said she didnโ€™t know what I was talking about.

There was one time when (Groomโ€™s name) was asked, โ€œWhat is (Brideโ€™s name) favorite flower?โ€
– To which he had no hesitation in replying, โ€œSelf-Rising!โ€

Hello Iโ€™m (Name) and Iโ€™m an alcoholicโ€ฆ Oh wait! Wrong speech!

The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, โ€œYou know, Iโ€™ve lost my wife here in the supermarket.
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?โ€ โ€œWhy?โ€
– โ€œBecause every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.โ€

I was never really aware of how much blood, sweat and tears went into arranging a wedding.
Hours of discussion, debate and disagreementโ€”and finally he/she asked me to marry him/her.

For those of you who donโ€™t know me, Iโ€™m Matt.
I have been Timโ€™s mate for 2 days now, he found my advert on a website as he hasnโ€™t got many friends so had to hire someone for the day.

When your wife/husband gets a little upset, just remember a simple โ€˜calm downโ€™ in a soothing voice is all it takes to get her/him a lot more upset.

Itโ€™s not so much who wears the pants, but how much money is in the pockets.

The groom is the kind of guy you donโ€™t have to worry about introducing your parents to.
Thatโ€™s why (Bride) didnโ€™t worry about introducing (Groom) to hers until today.

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