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Marriage jokes ๐Ÿคต๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ‘ฐ in 2025

My wife says I never listenโ€ฆ or something like that.

Women marry because they believe that he will change one day. Men marry because they believe sheโ€™ll never change. Both are mistaken.

(This one is interactive.) Have the Best Man ask for anyone with keys to the Groomโ€™s apartment to step forward and return them. In advance, hand out keys to 10-15 women (including the groomโ€™s grandma!) and have them come up and return them.
Then have the Best Man ask for anyone who has keys to the brideโ€™s place, and have only her dad come up.

What is the penalty for bigamy?
– Two mothers-in-law.

Marriage is becoming more and more progressive.
I heard two scoutmasters recently decided to tie the knot.

Well, what can I tell you about the groom? Iโ€™ve known him for about 10 years, heโ€™s handsome, intelligent, witty, charismatic..sorry, wrong wedding.

My wife and I always compromise.
I admit Iโ€™m wrong and she agrees with me.

On their wedding night, a groom asks his new bride, โ€œHoney, am I your first?โ€ She says, โ€œWhy does everyone ask me that?โ€

Just asked my wife what sheโ€™s โ€œburning up for dinnerโ€ and it turned out to be all of my personal belongings.

When I first started dating my wife she asked me what some of my dreams were.
I told her one was about a T-Rex who didnโ€™t get a job because he couldnโ€™t tie a tie.
She meant goals.

I need to make this speech quick because my date for the night charges by the hour.

They joke that a woman finds a man she loves for exactly who he is and then spends her life trying to change him.
So letโ€™s all raise our glasses and take a last look at the Groom.
Weโ€™re gonna miss you, buddy!

A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.

For those of you without the internet, Iโ€™ll update you on the Brideโ€™s Facebook account, which sheโ€™s secretly using under the table as I speak.
(checks phone) Her status has been changed to โ€˜marriedโ€™, both of her parents immediately โ€˜dislikedโ€™ this, and 32 guys in this room have already โ€œpokedโ€ her.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, โ€œYou know, I was a fool when I married you.โ€ And the husband replied, โ€œYes, dear, but I was in love and didnโ€™t notice it.โ€

Now I did ask for a microphone but was told one wasnโ€™t available.
So if you canโ€™t hear me at the back, the silence from the people at the front should reโ€assure you that youโ€™re not missing out on anything.

I must inform you that Iโ€™ve had rather a heavy night and Iโ€™m still feeling a little fragile.
Therefore please spare a thought and try not to clap and yelp too loudly during my speech, however tempting that might be.
Youโ€™d think Iโ€™d know better than to be out boozing in the early hours just before a big wedding, but I donโ€™t like to see the groom drinking alone.

โ€œIf I could just say a few words, Iโ€™d be a better public speaker!โ€

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