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Marriage jokes ๐Ÿคต๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ‘ฐ in 2025

I didnโ€™t really know where to start so I thought Iโ€™d trawl the internet.
After a couple of hours Iโ€™d found some really, really good stuff.
But then I remembered that I was supposed to be writing a speech.

If I have to choose between a husband and shoes, I choose shoes.
They tend to last longer and are easier to replace.

A couple were married for 67 years. The husband was asked if in all those years he had ever thought of divorce.
โ€œHeavens no,โ€ he replied. โ€œMurder yes, but never divorce.โ€

My wife says I can join your gang but I have to be home by 9.

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, โ€œArenโ€™t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?โ€
– The other replied, โ€œYes, I am, I married the wrong man.โ€

Marriage is like a bar of soap.
It smells delicious until you take a bite out of it!

The (Bride) did actually tell me (Groom) has always brightened up her life. Well, she actually said he never turned the lights off..
but it amounts to the same thing pretty much.

Why did the moth stick to the brideโ€™s face?
– Because she was glowing.

Wife: โ€œOur new neighbor always kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why donโ€™t you do that?โ€
– Husband: โ€œHow can I? I donโ€™t even know her.โ€

It has been a very emotional dayโ€ฆas some of you must have noticed, even the cake is in tiers.

Unaccustomed to public speaking as I am, I have been fairly nervous before todayโ€™s speeches, however the groom was very good and took me aside to help calm me, he said if I did a really good job and went easy on him, I could be the best man at his next wedding.

The groom and I have been friends for a long time, but he had some trouble finding a best man.
He first asked his richest friend to be his best man, but he said no.
Then he asked his funniest friend to be his best man, but he said no.
He then asked his best-looking friend to be the best man but even he said no.
Then he asked me, and, after turning him down the first three times, I couldnโ€™t refuse again.

She (the bride) loves the finer things in life. I overheard her when the minister was going through the vowsโ€”she said โ€œWhatโ€™s all this garbage about for richer or for poorer?โ€

Marriage is like going to a restaurant.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

โ€œAny husband who says, โ€˜My wife and I are completely equal partnersโ€™, is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.โ€

My wife ran off with my best friend last week.
I miss him!

Marriages are made in heaven. Then again, so are thunder, lightning, tornadoes, and hail.

My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage. I take that as a compliment.

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