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Marriage jokes ๐Ÿคต๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ‘ฐ in 2025

There are three rings in marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring and most importantly the catering.

Husband: โ€œHow can I? I donโ€™t even know her.โ€

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen.
If there is anybody here who is feeling worried, nervous or apprehensive, youโ€™re either me (because I am) or you just married (groomโ€™s name).

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.
I had to put my foot down.

Every time you talk to your wife, your mind should remember that, โ€˜This conversation will be recorded for Training and Quality purposes.โ€

I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me, โ€œNothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace.โ€ So I bought her nothing.

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why.
But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

For those of you who donโ€™t know me, my name is (speakerโ€™s name), and I am the best man.
Let me just say that the groom has a splendid set of friends and to be chosen from such esteemed company was something of a surprise.
And since that moment I have struggled almost daily with an uneasy sensation, which I can compare only to the first disagreeable feelings which usually precede a fit of sea-sickness.

(Youโ€™ll need a prop for this one โ€“ a heavy stack of cue cards that might be used as memory joggers for your speech.) โ€œI caught up with Martinโ€™s mum earlier and she told me that I wasnโ€™t to mention any of the incidents with his ex-girlfriend [pause and put a third of the cue cards on the table], alcohol, [pause and put the second third of the cue cards on the table] or the policeโ€ฆ[put the remaining cards down and start to gently whistle to yourself]โ€ฆwell thatโ€™s that then!โ€

Leading up to today the Bride and Groom were having an issue with the seating plan.
Who would sit comfortably in here & who would have to get up and stand during the speeches so we decided to use wedding present list, biggest presents at front and work it back from there.
So hopefully you can hear me at the back when I say on behalf of (Bride) and (Groom) thankโ€you very much for the teaspoons.

The Bride deserves a wonderful successful loving husband. Too bad the Groom married her before she found one.

Wife renewed me for another season.

My doctor told me I needed to break a sweat once a day so I told him Iโ€™d start lying to my wife.

Why did the Mormon cross the road?
– To get to the other bride.

On the groomโ€™s first date with the bride, he thought heโ€™d make an impression, and promised her a seven-course meal.
She was a tad disappointed when it turned out to be a burger and a six pack!

โ€œI asked my husband, โ€˜Where do you want to go for our anniversary?โ€™ He said, โ€˜Somewhere I have never been!โ€™ I told him, โ€˜How about the kitchen?โ€™

Marriage is like deleting all the apps on your phone except one.

Arguing with your wife/husband is a lot like trying to read the Terms of Use on the internet.
In the end, you just give up and go โ€˜I agree.โ€™

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