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Marriage jokes ๐Ÿคต๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ‘ฐ in 2025

There are three rings in marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring and most importantly the catering.

Marriage is like going to a restaurant.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

โ€œAny husband who says, โ€˜My wife and I are completely equal partnersโ€™, is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.โ€

My wife ran off with my best friend last week.
I miss him!

Marriages are made in heaven. Then again, so are thunder, lightning, tornadoes, and hail.

My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage. I take that as a compliment.

Just listen up while I tell you about this couple, and Iโ€™ll make it seem like the shortest 45 minutes of your life

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
The ceremony wasnโ€™t much, but the reception was excellent.

For those of you who donโ€™t know me, my name is (Name) and for those of you that do โ€ฆ well I apologize.
My full name is actually โ€˜(Name) would-you-like-a-drinkโ€™ For those of you who I chat to in the bar later, Iโ€™d appreciate it if you could use my full name.

Son: Dad, Iโ€™ve heard that in some parts of the world a man doesnโ€™t know his wife until he marries her.
Father: Son, thatโ€™s true everywhere.

Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
Take advantage of that as much as you can.

Husband: โ€œHow can I? I donโ€™t even know her.โ€

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen.
If there is anybody here who is feeling worried, nervous or apprehensive, youโ€™re either me (because I am) or you just married (groomโ€™s name).

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.
I had to put my foot down.

Every time you talk to your wife, your mind should remember that, โ€˜This conversation will be recorded for Training and Quality purposes.โ€

I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me, โ€œNothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace.โ€ So I bought her nothing.

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why.
But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

For those of you who donโ€™t know me, my name is (speakerโ€™s name), and I am the best man.
Let me just say that the groom has a splendid set of friends and to be chosen from such esteemed company was something of a surprise.
And since that moment I have struggled almost daily with an uneasy sensation, which I can compare only to the first disagreeable feelings which usually precede a fit of sea-sickness.

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