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Marriage jokes ๐Ÿคต๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ‘ฐ in 2025

There are three rings in marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring and most importantly the catering.

โ€œPeople are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success.
Actually, it is no secret at all.
I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.โ€

A little boy asked his father, โ€œDaddy, how much does it cost to get married?โ€
– And the father replied, โ€œI donโ€™t know, son, Iโ€™m still paying for it.โ€

Firstly, Iโ€™d just like to say Iโ€™m very nervous about making this speech.
In fact this must be the third time today that I have stood up from a warm seat with pieces of paper in my hand.

Fornicationโ€ฆ [silence]โ€ฆ coughโ€ฆ Forni-โ€ฆ coughโ€ฆ FOR-AN-OCCASION, such as this, I like to start with a joke.

For newly married couples, there is a progression of rings: the engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering!

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one.
The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Didnโ€™t she (the bride) look absolutely gorgeous as she swept down the aisle. Well, (groomโ€™s name), you can be sure thatโ€™s the very last time you will see her sweep!

My wife made me a green hamburger today to celebrate St Patricks Day. I asked her how she colored it and she said she didnโ€™t know what I was talking about.

There was one time when (Groomโ€™s name) was asked, โ€œWhat is (Brideโ€™s name) favorite flower?โ€
– To which he had no hesitation in replying, โ€œSelf-Rising!โ€

Hello Iโ€™m (Name) and Iโ€™m an alcoholicโ€ฆ Oh wait! Wrong speech!

The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, โ€œYou know, Iโ€™ve lost my wife here in the supermarket.
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?โ€ โ€œWhy?โ€
– โ€œBecause every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.โ€

I was never really aware of how much blood, sweat and tears went into arranging a wedding.
Hours of discussion, debate and disagreementโ€”and finally he/she asked me to marry him/her.

For those of you who donโ€™t know me, Iโ€™m Matt.
I have been Timโ€™s mate for 2 days now, he found my advert on a website as he hasnโ€™t got many friends so had to hire someone for the day.

When your wife/husband gets a little upset, just remember a simple โ€˜calm downโ€™ in a soothing voice is all it takes to get her/him a lot more upset.

Itโ€™s not so much who wears the pants, but how much money is in the pockets.

The groom is the kind of guy you donโ€™t have to worry about introducing your parents to.
Thatโ€™s why (Bride) didnโ€™t worry about introducing (Groom) to hers until today.

The Groom has informed me that the buffet this evening is charged on a cost-per-head basis.
– So, on his behalf, Iโ€™d like to thank the following people for not comingโ€ฆ

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