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Lobster jokes 🦞 in 2025

How do lobsters call each other?
– They use shell phones.

Did you hear there’s a shop where you can get lobster tails for just $2?
– Yes, when I went and paid my $2, the shopkeeper started saying, “Once upon a time, there was this lobster…”

What did the lobster suggest when none of his friends could decide what they wanted to eat?
– He stepped up and told them, “Water boat having some tofu curry for dinner.”

Where do lobsters wait for the bus?
– At the bustacean.

Why do lobsters take so long to learn the basics of the alphabet?
– It is because they spend many years at C.

What do you call a lobster who won’t share with others?…
– Shellfish!

Have you heard about the lobster who started going to the gym?
– It pulled a mussel.

The waiter got quiet and simply said, “We just tell him the truth, man. ‘This is the end of the line.’”
– He gave the man behind the stand a $5 bill and awaited his tail.
Instead, the man spoke up and said, “Once upon a time, there was this lobster…”

I went to a Mary Poppins themed restaurant last night
– Super cauliflower cheese, but the lobster was atrocious!

What kind of helmet does a lobster wear?
– A shell-met!

Didn’t you meet a beautiful crustacean the other day?
– Yes, but it seems that I lobst her phone number.

Why is the lobster wearing seashells?
– Because she was shore they were current-ly trending.

Why couldn’t the woman eat shrimp, lobsters, and clams that have been cooked by heated water vapor?
– She has shellfish steam issues.

I wouldn’t let Sean Connery play with my pet lobsters.
– He called me a “Shellfish Basterd.”

How did the lobster get home last night?
– He took a crab.

Have you heard, the new lobster neighbors didn’t give any gifts to anyone on Christmas?
– They’re quite shellfish.

What would you call a marine crustacean who’s the gangster of the sea?
– The mobster lobster.

What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?
– One is a crusty bus station the other is a busty crustacean

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