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Lobster jokes 🦞 in 2025

I went to a seafood restaurant and asked how they prepared the lobster.
– The waiter got quiet and simply said, “We just tell him the truth, man. ‘This is the end of the line.’”

What’s the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who’s been run over by a bus?
– One’s a crustacean, the other’s a crushed Asian.

What would a lobster want with a smartphone?
– It takes a lot of shellfies.

What would you get when you cross a telephone with a lobster?
– A snappy talk.

What did the husband lobster say to his wife when they were arguing?
– He said, “I don’t think I sea it quite that way.”

A man ordered lobster for dinner.
– When the waiter brought it to him, he complained, “Hey, this lobster only has one claw!”
The waiter explained, “That lobster was in a fight.”
“OK, then,” replied the man. “Bring me the winner!”

What music does a lobster listen to?
– Bisque-o

How do lobsters call each other?
– They use shell phones.

Did you hear there’s a shop where you can get lobster tails for just $2?
– Yes, when I went and paid my $2, the shopkeeper started saying, “Once upon a time, there was this lobster…”

What did the lobster suggest when none of his friends could decide what they wanted to eat?
– He stepped up and told them, “Water boat having some tofu curry for dinner.”

Where do lobsters wait for the bus?
– At the bustacean.

Why do lobsters take so long to learn the basics of the alphabet?
– It is because they spend many years at C.

What do you call a lobster who won’t share with others?…
– Shellfish!

Have you heard about the lobster who started going to the gym?
– It pulled a mussel.

The waiter got quiet and simply said, “We just tell him the truth, man. ‘This is the end of the line.’”
– He gave the man behind the stand a $5 bill and awaited his tail.
Instead, the man spoke up and said, “Once upon a time, there was this lobster…”

I went to a Mary Poppins themed restaurant last night
– Super cauliflower cheese, but the lobster was atrocious!

What kind of helmet does a lobster wear?
– A shell-met!

Didn’t you meet a beautiful crustacean the other day?
– Yes, but it seems that I lobst her phone number.

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