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Library jokes 📚 in 2025

A chicken walks into a library, and says to the librarian: “Book, book, book”
The librarian hands out three books to the chicken.
On the way out the chicken runs into a frog and shows him the books and says: “Book, book, book”
The frog replies: “Reddit, reddit, reddit”

I have a condition where I feel the need to steal library books.
– I should probably get that checked out.

I went to the library to ask for a book on Tortoises.
– The clerk asked, “Hardback?”
“Yes” I said “and leathery legs and a stumpy tail”.

Library of Congress bomber…
Yesterday’s attempted bomber said there are 4 more bombs planted in DC. After botching bombing Congress by showing up at the Library of Congress, the FBI has ordered the immediate evacuation of :
-the Richmond Mall’s Supreme Food Court
-The Hexagon Building on Connecticut Ave
-International House of Pancakes
-literally anyone with a white house.

What did the librarian say after she was told that the reader hadn’t read Fitzgerald?
– “You’ve Gatsby kidding me!”

A blonde walks into a library
A blonde walks into a library. She asks the librarian:
Can I get a chicken salad?
The librarian answers: sorry, this is a library
The blonde responds: Oh, right! (Whispering) Can I get a chicken salad?

Librarians are always going by the book.

A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia.
– She whispers, “They’re right behind you!”

What is one life advice you can expect from a librarian?
– You need to believe in your shelf.

A blonde walks into a library
The blonde walks up to the librarian’s desk and says loudly, “I’ll have a coffee and a bagel”.
Everyone frowns along with the librarian and the librarian quietly replies, “This is a library!!”.
The blonde replies with a whisper, “I would like a coffee and a bagel!”.

A drunk walks into a library…
– A drunk guy stumbles into a library and makes his way to the reference desk. He steadies himself and tells the librarian “HEY I WANT A CHEESEBURGER, SOME FRIES AND A COKE!”

The librarian looks at him in disgust and says “Sir, this is a library”

The drunk replies “Oh I’m sorry” and whispers quietly “I’ll have a cheeseburger, some fries and a coke”

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