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Library jokes 📚 in 2025

I was working in a library and this guy comes up to me and asks, “Do you have a bookmark?”
– I said, “Yes, we have hundreds, but my name’s Dave.”

A man goes to the library
He asks the librarian: “do you have ‘1000 ways to commit a suicide?’ ”
“Sorry, the last one didn’t return it”.

A man enters a library and
approaches the librarian and says, “I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.”
The librarian says, “Sir, you know you’re in a library, right?”
“Sorry,” he whispers. “I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.”

Where in the library can books about alternative facts be found?
– In the Fiction Section.

I tried to make a reservation at the library yesterday, but couldn’t…
– Turns out, they’re completely booked!

The cop said if I didn’t pay my library fine he would have to book me.

In breaking news, Trump’s personal library has burned down.
– The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist he hadn’t even finished coloring the second one.

What did the librarian say to the woman who issued too many books?
– Try not to overdue it.

I wanted to improve my physical affection skills, so I went down to the library and took out a book called “How to Hug”…
…You can imagine my disappointment when it turned out to be volume six of the Oxford English Dictionary

A blind man walks into a library and asks, “Do you have any books on tape?”
– The librarian says, “Yes we do, but it’s not a very interesting subject.”

A guy goes to the library and asks the librarian
Guy: “Do you have any books on turtles?”

Librarian: “Hardback?”

Guy: “Yeah, and with little heads.”

What do librarians say?
– I have not metadata I did not find likable.

What did the library book say after her friend noticed she got thinner?
– “I got my appendix removed.”

Why did dinosaurs go extinct?
– Because they did not read

My wife asked why I keep my guns in the library.
– I said it’s for shelf-defense.

How do books about colors introduce themselves to the reader?
– Yellow! Orange you happy that I will make you well red?

How did the librarian slip and fall?
– She was working in the non-friction section.

*At the library*
“Do you have a book about the discrimination of dwarves?”
“Left corner, on the top shelf!”

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