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Library jokes 📚 in 2025

Why do modern libraries not keep dystopian books?
– Because they are so 1984.

In a library a guy asked a girl if he could sit beside her.
– To this the girl shouted her reply saying: I dont wanna sleep with you at night pervert. Embarrassed the guy went to sit somewhere else.
After a few minutes the girl quietly went to the guy and told: I study psychology and can understand human mind and behavior. You were embarrassed weren’t you?
To this the guy shouted his reply saying: 100$ for 1 night!!! Thats too much.
Everyone in the library turned their head in shock and looked at the girl.
Then the guy whispered in her ears: I study law. I know how to make someone feel guilty.

What did the librarian think of the book about Mount Everest?
– It was such a cliff-hanger.

What is the tallest building in the world?
– The library, because it has so many stories.

How do the books stay warm in the libraries?
– They wear book jackets.

A KGB agent goes to a library and sees an old Jewish man reading a book.
“What are you reading, old man?” he asks.
“I’m learning Hebrew, comrade,” replies the old Jew.
The KGB agent asks, “What are you learning Hebrew for? You know it takes years to get a permission to travel to Israel? You will die before you get one.”
“I’m learning Hebrew for when I go to heaven so I can speak with Moses and Abraham,” replies the old man.
“How do you know you’re going to heaven? What if you go to hell?” asks the KGB agent.
“I already speak Russian.”

Why did the young man visit the librarian often?
– To get into her good books.

A blonde walked in to a library
-Hello! She said
Do you have any chicken sandwiches here?
The librarian answered: im sorry this is a library
The blonde then whispered *do you have any chicken sandwiches?*

I was working in a library and this guy comes up to me and asks, “Do you have a bookmark?”
– I said, “Yes, we have hundreds, but my name’s Dave.”

A man goes to the library
He asks the librarian: “do you have ‘1000 ways to commit a suicide?’ ”
“Sorry, the last one didn’t return it”.

A man enters a library and
approaches the librarian and says, “I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.”
The librarian says, “Sir, you know you’re in a library, right?”
“Sorry,” he whispers. “I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.”

Where in the library can books about alternative facts be found?
– In the Fiction Section.

I tried to make a reservation at the library yesterday, but couldn’t…
– Turns out, they’re completely booked!

The cop said if I didn’t pay my library fine he would have to book me.

In breaking news, Trump’s personal library has burned down.
– The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist he hadn’t even finished coloring the second one.

What did the librarian say to the woman who issued too many books?
– Try not to overdue it.

I wanted to improve my physical affection skills, so I went down to the library and took out a book called “How to Hug”…
…You can imagine my disappointment when it turned out to be volume six of the Oxford English Dictionary

A blind man walks into a library and asks, “Do you have any books on tape?”
– The librarian says, “Yes we do, but it’s not a very interesting subject.”

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