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Lawyer jokes ⚖️✒️ in 2024

How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?
-You can’t get a finger between the rope and his neck!

whats the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
– The tick falls when you are dead.

Whats the difference between a lawyer and God? -God doesn’t think hes a lawyer.

Where does a vampire learn how to suck blood? -During his first year of Law School.

What do you call a lawyer with an I.Q. of 80?
-Your honor.

how can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
– Their lips move.

Why did God make snakes just before lawyers? -To practice.

Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? -Because once launched they cant be recalled

What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
– An offer you can’t understand.

What is the definition of a shame (as in “that’s a shame”)? -When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.

If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?

-Shoot the lawyer twice

whats the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?
– Accountants know they are boring.

how can a pregnant woman tell that shaes carrying a future lawyer? -She has an uncontrollable craving for a bologna.

How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus? -Never enough.

What do you get when you cross a librarian with a lawyer?
-All the information you need, but you can’t understand a word of it.

how do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
-Cut the rope.

Why did God make snakes just before lawyers? -To practice.

What do you do if you run over a Lawyer? -Back over him to make sure. Make another notch on the steering wheel.

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