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Lawyer jokes ⚖️✒️ in 2024

How does an attorney sleep?
– First he lies on one side and then on the other.

What can a goose do, a duck can’t, and a lawyer should? -Stick his bill up his ass.

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a jellyfish? -One is a spineless, poisonous blob.

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ o 100? -Your honor.

Why to lawyers wear neckties? -To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.

What’s the definition of a lawyer?

-A mouth with a life support system

what is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
– One is a bottom-dwelling, garbage scavenger. The other is a fish.

what do you call a lawyer gone bad? -Senator.

Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers? -He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren’t met.

what is the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer riding a motorcycle?
– The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.

Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers? -New Jersey got to pick first.

What’s the difference between an attorney and a pit bull? -Jewelry.

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? -Senator.

What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster? -When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.

What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell?
-No changes occur.

what is the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
– A vampire only suck blood at night.

What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? -His partners.

Why did the post office recall the new lawyer stamps? -Because people could not tell which side to spit on.

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