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Lawyer jokes ⚖️✒️ in 2024

how can a pregnant woman tell that shaes carrying a future lawyer? -She has an uncontrollable craving for a bologna.

How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus? -Never enough.

What do you get when you cross a librarian with a lawyer?
-All the information you need, but you can’t understand a word of it.

how do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
-Cut the rope.

Why did God make snakes just before lawyers? -To practice.

What do you do if you run over a Lawyer? -Back over him to make sure. Make another notch on the steering wheel.

How many lawyer jokes are there, anyway?
– Only three. The rest are true stories.

What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? -An offer you can’t understand

What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

-There are skid marks in front of the dog.

why won’t sharks attack lawyers?
– Professional courtesy.

how many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? -Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.

Have you heard about the lawyers word processor? – No matter what font you select, everything come out in fine print.

how do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
– Take your foot off his head.

What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer? -I don’t know. There are some things even a blonde won’t do.

At a lawyers’ conference, one lawyer said to the others: “Perhaps ‘unethical’
was the wrong word; – I meant sort of complex — legally complex . . . .'”.

Whats the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo? -A gigolo only screws one person at a time.

Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses? -From chasing parked ambulances.

why lawyers die, why are they buried in a hole 24 feet deep?
– Because deep down, they are all nice guys.

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