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Knee jokes 🦵 in 2024

Einstein was once travelling from Princeton on a train when the conductor came down the aisle, punching the tickets of every passenger.
– When he came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his vest pocket. He couldn’t find his ticket, so he reached in his trouser pockets. It wasn’t there, so he looked in his briefcase but couldn’t find it. Then he looked in the seat beside him. He still couldn’t find it.

The conductor said, “Dr. Einstein, I know who you are. We all know who you are. I’m sure you bought a ticket. Don’t worry about it”.

Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor continued down the aisle punching tickets. As he was ready to move to the next car, he turned around and saw the great physicist down on his hands and knees looking under his seat for his ticket.

The conductor rushed back and said, “Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don’t worry, I know who you are. No problem. You don’t need a ticket. I’m sure you bought one”.

Einstein looked at him and said, “Young man, I too, know who I am. What I don’t know is where I’m going”.

Why did Eminem kneel at the half time show?
– His knees were weak, and arms were heavy.

What’s a knee’s favorite dessert?
– A brown-ie!

My doctor friend is addicted to hitting people on their knees to test their reflexes.
– He really gets a kick out of it.

What should one be calling a knee that is acting strange and silly?
– We should be calling it a loo-knee!

Why did the King kill the knee doctor after a bad surgery?
– Because the doctor refused to bend the knee!

Doctor’s are always hitting their patients on the knee to test their reflexes. They really get a kick out of it.

Why did the orthopedic doctor always put hats on the knees of his patients?
– This was because he wanted to make sure that their knee-caps were alright!

What was the doctor not too sure about the right knee replacement surgery?
– Because he was a cy-knee-c!

I’m getting the word phoney tattooed under my knee
Phoney below knee.
Also. Not joking, totally doing it.
Update: https://imgur.com/a/A3MNdk1

Here is an actual sign posted in a golf club.
1. Back straight, knees bent.
2. Feet shoulder width apart.
3. Form a loose grip.
4. Keep your head down!
5. Stay out of the water.
6. Try not to hit anyone.
7. If you are taking too long, let others go ahead of you.
8. Don’t stand directly in front of others.
9. Quiet please while others are preparing.
10. Don’t take extra strokes.

Well done. Now, flush the urinal and go outside and tee off.

What do you call a nurse with dirty knees?
– The head nurse.

An atheist was hiking in the woods…
An atheist was hiking in the woods…
When suddenly a bear appeared. The atheist was scared out of his mind and started running, but he couldn’t outrun the bear
Finally the atheist fell to his knees and did the one thing he thought he would never do: Pray
He fervently prayed “Oh God, I am about to be killed by a bear. I will never become a Christian, but please, please make this bear a Christian bear”
After praying the atheist turned around to see if the bear stopped chasing him. To his relief, it stopped right behind him, breathing down on him. He was amazed!
But then, to his horror, the bear smacked his paws together and said “Oh Father in the heavens, thank you for this meal I am about to partake”

Do you know Chinese people have very bad knees?
– When they meet each other, they often ask: “knee how?”

Why was the artist drawing abstract knee pictures for his new series?
– Because he said, it was a ma-knee-festation of his imagi-knee-tion!

A cop is driving down the freeway when he looks over and spots a granny knitting whilst balancing the steering wheel with her knees
He pulls alongside the granny, and angrily shouts “pull over!”
The granny shouts back, “no, it’s a scarf”

An old woman decided she’s had enough of life and wanted to commit suicide…
… She decided she was going to shoot herself in the heart. So she calls her doctor and asks him “doctor, where is the heart located in the body?”
“Just below your left breast” the doctor tells her.
“Thanks” she says, and shoot’s herself in the knee.

What is the cartoon about knees, that everyone loves to see, known as?
– They are called a-knee-me!

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