Juan jokes 🌮 in 2025

When Trump was elected President, Juan was very worried.
I guess you could say it was because of Hispanic attacks.

Mexican and African jokes are all pretty much the same….
Once you’ve heard Juan, you’ve heard Jamal…

“Oh man, Juan Valdez died this morning.”
Ok, so it’s not a ‘joke’ joke, but that’s what you say. Maybe at work, at the bar with friends. Say it in a lull in the conversation. If you’re really good, say it while scanning the paper or a news site.

Some people go, “oh!” And some people say, “wait, the Colombian coffee merchant?” and some people say, “oh my god, he *did?*” People always say something.

And then *you* say, “he did, he was assassinated. Someone from a drug cartel shot him with a golf gun. Bizarre story.”

And you leave it there.

And if someone presses further, perhaps mention how terrible it must be to get shot by a golf gun.

And you’ll eventually be asked, “what’s a golf gun?”

To which you say, “don’t know, but it sure made a hole in Juan!”

How will Donald Trump deport 12 million illegal immigrants?
– Juan by juan.

How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb?
– Just Juan.

I watched a singles match between two Mexican fighters the other day
– It was Juan-on-Juan

The Mayor of San Juan was panicking
A reporter asked her what was wrong…
“Not only do I have to deal with the horrible conditions in my city after Maria, but now we have to prepare for another visit from a big ugly bag of wind.”
“You mean there’s another hurricane headed our way?”
“No, President Trump might fly over.”

Did you hear about the Mexican that got stabbed on a golf course?
– I guess someone made a hole in Juan.

Did you hear about the drunk Mexican?
– He had Juan too many drinks.

Did you hear about the Spanish Star Wars spin-off?
– It’s about the chosen Juan.

I hate tacos!
Said no Juan ever.

How many Mexicans does it take to mow the lawn?
– Only Juan.

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Juan.
Juan who?
Juan to hear any more knock knock jokes?

A young couple in poverty give birth to identical twins.
After much consideration they decide that the best thing for the baby boys would be to give them up for adoption so that they can have a better shot in life. One boy goes to a Spanish family who name him Juan, the second goes to an Indian family who name him Amal.

18 years pass when the birth parents receive a package from Juan with a letter saying how grateful he is to them and with a ton of pictures of him and his life. This makes the birth mother inconsolably sad, her husband says “are you not happy? You always wondered what he looked like, whether he had my eyes or your nose and now you know” “I know and I’m really happy that I got to see the pictures but it makes me even sadder that I have no pictures of Amal.” To which the husband replies “they’re identical twins, if you’ve seen Juan you’ve seen Amal!”

Mexican and African jokes are all pretty much the same….
Once you’ve heard Juan, you’ve heard Jamal…

During dinner, Juan asked his mother….
Mamma, why is dad bald?
Well Juan, your father has a lot to think about and is very intelligent, that’s why.
But mamma, why do you have such a long hair?
Shut UP Juan and eat your soup!

What do you call two guys from Mexico playing basketball?
– Juan on Juan.

My Friend Had Twins Over the Pandemic
– I ran into her for the first time in ages and asked how the little ones were doing. She said Amal and Juan were just fine and were growing like weeds.

I asked to see a picture of them and she showed me a single baby on her phone.

“Aren’t there two of them?” I asked.

She replied: “Well if you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”