Jeep jokes in 2025

98% of all Jeeps ever made are still on the road today.
– The other 2% made it home.

What brand of car would the Roadrunner be?
– Jeep Jeep

I like my women like I like my jeep
Topless and easy to get into.

My wife crashed the car listening to Adele,
– She was rolling in the jeep

98% of all Jeeps ever made are still on the road today.
– The other 2% made it home.

I bought my wife a beautiful diamond ring for her birthday.
A friend of mine said, “I thought she wanted one of those pretty 4-wheel drive vehicles?”
– “She did,” I replied, “But where in the world was I going to find a fake jeep!”

An English, and Irishman and a Scotsman…
…are traveling through the desert in a jeep but eventually run out of fuel. They continue the journey by foot but only take 1 item each.
The Englishman takes an umbrella, when asked why he replies, “I can use it to provide shade against the hot sun”.
The Scotsman takes the biggest bottle of scotch, when asked why he replies, “To quench my thirst”.
The Irishman takes a door from the jeep, when asked why he replies, “When I get to hot, I can just roll down the window”.

A shepherd is relaxing after a long day, when a businessman comes by…
A shepherd is relaxing after a long day, when a businessman comes by.

He’s sat on the grass, chewing on a straw, watching his sheep roam around under the last rays of the setting sun. A jeep leaving behind clouds of dust stops before him, and off gets a businessman clad in an expensive suit and leather shoes with a camera on his hands.

The businessman starts snapping pictures of the surrounding area and, once he’s finished, looks at the shepherd with curiosity and asks, “Is this your land?”

“Aye…” responds the shepherd.

A look of glee forms in the businessman’s eyes as he asks again, “And are those your sheep?”

“Aye…” says the shepherd.

“Would you sell some of your land?” asks the businessman.

The shepherd looks up, studying the businessman with a cautious look, before searching upon his eyes and asks “And why would I do that?”

“So you can make some money, and buy more sheep,” explains the businessman with a smirk.

“And why would I buy more sheep?” asks the shepherd.

“So you can sell their wool, and make more money,” says the businessman.

“And why would I do that?” insists the shepherd.

“So you can buy even more sheep, and sell even more wool,” says the businessman.

“And why would I do that?” asks the shepherd.

“So, at some point, you can build a factory and fill it with looms,” says the businessman.

“And why would I do that?” asks the shepherd.

“So you can make your wool into clothes, instead of selling it, and make even more money,” explains the businessman.

The shepherd looks at his sheep for a second, spitting out the chewed straw, and asks, “And why would I do that?”

“So you can buy more and more sheep, sell more and more clothes, and make more and more money,” says the businessman, getting giddy at the thought.

“And why would I do that?” asks the shepherd.

“So you can be rich!” offers the businessman.

“And why would I want that?” asks the shepherd.

“So you can build yourself a mansion. Right here!” says the businessman, tapping the ground with his foot.

“And why would I do that?” asks the shepherd.

“So you can have a big bedroom. On the top floor! With big windows! And a big balcony!” says the businessman, his voice increasing in volume.

“And why would I do that?” asks the shepherd.

“So you can sit back, look over your sheep, enjoy the sunset… Enjoy life!” says the businessman, practically jumping up with excitement.

“Aye… And what do you think I was doing before you came here?”

Money makes every thing…
– A girl missed her period 2 months ago,her mom
took her to the clinic for pregnancy test of which
it was positive.Embarrased, her mom said; who
is the pig that got you pregnant? The girl picked
up her phone and made a call, an hour later,a
young handsome man drove in Ferrari to the
girl’s house. Good evening, the man greeted.
Your daughter told me the problem in the house.
I can’t marry for now because of my family
issue, but I promise I will take care of her for the
rest of her life, and if she gives birth to a girl,I
promised to buy her a mansion, 2 jeeps and 1
million dollars. If it’s a boy, I’ll buy her houses in
a country side, 5 jeeps, 2 big factories and
5million dollars in her account. If it’s twins, I’ll do
anything…
she asked. But if there’s miscarriage,
what do you suggest i do? The girls father
silently tap the young man on his shoulder and
said; my son, if there is miscarriage, you’ll sleep
with her again…….

I just bought a SUV…
… Because it was a’going Jeep.

A man is driving down the motor way in the fast lane with a trailer full of monkeys
– he notices his friends jeep in the adjacent lane. He slows down and ushers his friend to pull down the window.

“John I’m in a massive rush, if I give you $50 could you bring these monkeys to the zoo?”

“No problem” replies John

About 4 hours later, the man drives the opposite direction on the motorway and is surprised to see John’s truck with the monkeys still in the back. He ushers John to roll down his window once more.

“John wtf are you doing? I gave you $50 to bring those monkeys to the zoo”.

“I did” replies John
“But I had money leftover so we are off to the cinema”.

What do you call a driving sheep?
– A Jeep

What’s the difference between a rental car and a Jeep?
– There are some places you wouldn’t take a Jeep.

A biologist, a statistician, a mathematician and a computer scientist are on a photo-safari in Africa
– They drive out on the savannah in their jeep, stop and scout the horizon with their binoculars.

The biologist says, “Look! There’s a herd of zebras! And there, in the middle, a white zebra! There are white zebra’s! We’ll be famous!”

The statistician explains, “It’s not significant. We only know there’s one white zebra.”

The mathematician corrects him: “Actually, we only know there exists a zebra, which is white on one side.”

The computer scientist exclaims “Oh, no! A special case!”

Nissan is rear-ending a Jeep in England.
Immediately from the Jeep are jumping two huge americans. They go over to the other car, pull the guy out, and start beating him. He is starting to scream:
“Come on, guys, stop!”
They continue.
He tries to stop them again, but they don’t listen.
Then he says:
“Come on, guys, please stop, we are in England!”
They answer to him:
“We don’t care that we are in England, this is how we do things in America, so you are not getting away with it.”
Then he shouts to them:
“Jesus, guys, you are bloody idiots, this is England, the driver is in the other seat!”

PS Sorry for the bad english, its not my native language.

So a guys goes into an auto parts store and asks for a fuel cap for his Jeep.
– The sales guy thinks for a moment and says, Yeah, O.K. that is a fair swap.

Old one
Did you hear about the accident at the army base?

A jeep ran over a box of popcorn & killed 2
kernals