Jeep jokes in 2025

98% of all Jeeps ever made are still on the road today.
– The other 2% made it home.

What brand of car would the Roadrunner be?
– Jeep Jeep

I like my women like I like my jeep
Topless and easy to get into.

My wife crashed the car listening to Adele,
– She was rolling in the jeep

98% of all Jeeps ever made are still on the road today.
– The other 2% made it home.

I bought my wife a beautiful diamond ring for her birthday.
A friend of mine said, “I thought she wanted one of those pretty 4-wheel drive vehicles?”
– “She did,” I replied, “But where in the world was I going to find a fake jeep!”

An English, and Irishman and a Scotsman…
…are traveling through the desert in a jeep but eventually run out of fuel. They continue the journey by foot but only take 1 item each.
The Englishman takes an umbrella, when asked why he replies, “I can use it to provide shade against the hot sun”.
The Scotsman takes the biggest bottle of scotch, when asked why he replies, “To quench my thirst”.
The Irishman takes a door from the jeep, when asked why he replies, “When I get to hot, I can just roll down the window”.

A shepherd is relaxing after a long day, when a businessman comes by…
A shepherd is relaxing after a long day, when a businessman comes by.

He’s sat on the grass, chewing on a straw, watching his sheep roam around under the last rays of the setting sun. A jeep leaving behind clouds of dust stops before him, and off gets a businessman clad in an expensive suit and leather shoes with a camera on his hands.

The businessman starts snapping pictures of the surrounding area and, once he’s finished, looks at the shepherd with curiosity and asks, “Is this your land?”

“Aye…” responds the shepherd.

A look of glee forms in the businessman’s eyes as he asks again, “And are those your sheep?”

“Aye…” says the shepherd.

“Would you sell some of your land?” asks the businessman.

The shepherd looks up, studying the businessman with a cautious look, before searching upon his eyes and asks “And why would I do that?”

“So you can make some money, and buy more sheep,” explains the businessman with a smirk.

“And why would I buy more sheep?” asks the shepherd.

“So you can sell their wool, and make more money,” says the businessman.

“And why would I do that?” insists the shepherd.

“So you can buy even more sheep, and sell even more wool,” says the businessman.

“And why would I do that?” asks the shepherd.

“So, at some point, you can build a factory and fill it with looms,” says the businessman.

“And why would I do that?” asks the shepherd.

“So you can make your wool into clothes, instead of selling it, and make even more money,” explains the businessman.

The shepherd looks at his sheep for a second, spitting out the chewed straw, and asks, “And why would I do that?”

“So you can buy more and more sheep, sell more and more clothes, and make more and more money,” says the businessman, getting giddy at the thought.

“And why would I do that?” asks the shepherd.

“So you can be rich!” offers the businessman.

“And why would I want that?” asks the shepherd.

“So you can build yourself a mansion. Right here!” says the businessman, tapping the ground with his foot.

“And why would I do that?” asks the shepherd.

“So you can have a big bedroom. On the top floor! With big windows! And a big balcony!” says the businessman, his voice increasing in volume.

“And why would I do that?” asks the shepherd.

“So you can sit back, look over your sheep, enjoy the sunset… Enjoy life!” says the businessman, practically jumping up with excitement.

“Aye… And what do you think I was doing before you came here?”

Money makes every thing…
– A girl missed her period 2 months ago,her mom
took her to the clinic for pregnancy test of which
it was positive.Embarrased, her mom said; who
is the pig that got you pregnant? The girl picked
up her phone and made a call, an hour later,a
young handsome man drove in Ferrari to the
girl’s house. Good evening, the man greeted.
Your daughter told me the problem in the house.
I can’t marry for now because of my family
issue, but I promise I will take care of her for the
rest of her life, and if she gives birth to a girl,I
promised to buy her a mansion, 2 jeeps and 1
million dollars. If it’s a boy, I’ll buy her houses in
a country side, 5 jeeps, 2 big factories and
5million dollars in her account. If it’s twins, I’ll do
anything…
she asked. But if there’s miscarriage,
what do you suggest i do? The girls father
silently tap the young man on his shoulder and
said; my son, if there is miscarriage, you’ll sleep
with her again…….

I named my Jeep “Elizabeth Warren”
– It’s white, but still apparently still a Cherokee

A man with hearing problems crashed his car into an expensive car,
– The owner of the expensive car walks out of his house and says “give me 10.000 dollars or I’ll beat the hell out of you!!” The man replies “Woah woah buddy I don’t have that much, but let me call my son he trains dolphins”. The man calls his son and right as he was about to talk the owner of the expensive car yanks the phone out of his hand and says “So you train dolphins? Well bring me 10.000 dollars or I’ll beat your dad!”, the son answers “Okay give me 15 minutes and I’ll be there.” 15 minutes later the son pulls up with a jeep and out comes 10 men which start beating the owner of the car. Meanwhile the son walks over to his father and says “Dad I train Seals not dolphins.”.

This joke is funnier in Bulgarian but my dad told me this joke while on a trip and I thought it was dumb and quirky.

So, I’m on base when my sergeant calls me into his office.
– He hands me the keys to his SUV and says “Look, I know it’s not a new vehicle, but they recently stopped making this model. It’s important to me that it not get damaged. I need you to take it and get it washed off-base.” I’m taking the duty really seriously, but when I drive by the woods I see this beautiful heard of deer. I pull over to the side and look, and I’m not the only one, some lady in a car does the same, only she’s got a bag of bread and she gets out of the car to feed them. I expected them to bolt off, but they all start getting closer to her. Then, suddenly, one of the does, completely indistinguishable from the rest, pulls a pistol on her. She puts her hands up and I’m just in shock, and she backs away as the deer gets closer and motions with her hooves to me and sarge’s Jeep. I’m just in shock the entire time, so I don’t think to peel away. The deer forces the lady to get in the front seat and push me to the side, then she just starts driving. She’s completely freaked out, and almost immediately she hits a tree. The doe jumps out right as the cops arrive, and the lady’s fainted, and the police officer’s asking me what the hell just happened. All I can tell the guy is that a common deer commanded her to commandeer my commander’s Commander.

Singer Adele was rushed to the hospital after a fatal car accident
– Paramedics said they found her rolling in the jeep.

I was driving a jeep in a new video game
It was a little buggy

The town’s most religious man…
As a great rainfall came the town’s most religious man refused to leave. After it seemed everyone had been evacuated one last jeep came through and rescue workers asked the man to get in.

“No thank you. God will save me.” said the man.

Hours later as the rain grew more intense and flood waters began to rise, a boat came by. Seeing the man the boaters approached and asked the man to get in.

“No thank you. God will save me.” said the man, again.

As the flood waters grew deeper and deeper, the man was now confined to the roof of his house as a helicopter came near. Seeing the man the pilot hovered over and his co-pilot begged the man to get in.

“No thank you. God will save me.” said the man yet again.

Alas, the rain never subsided and sadly the man’s life was claimed. All his years of being devoted to God were not lost as he found himself standing in front of the pearly gates set for his eternal rest. The man asked of St. Peter for a conference with God himself. St. Peter, recognizing the man’s years of eternal faith obliged and brought the man in front of God with the stipulation the man only ask one question. The man looked up and asked of God, “why didn’t you save me, Lord?”

Light shined down from above onto the man and a voice said, “I sent you a jeep, a boat, and a helicopter. What more do you want?”

A general is being driven in a jeep through the desert on the way to a training exercise.
Out in the middle of nowhere, the jeep breaks down. The female jeep driver jumps out, opens the hood and starts working on the engine. The general, wanting to be helpful, finds a toolbox in the back and opens it. “Do you want a screwdriver?” he asks.

“Might as well, it’s going to be a while before anyone shows up,” she says!

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman….
– Are driving through the desert in an old jeep. The jeep hits a rock and flips over exploding into pieces but miraculously the 3 men survive. Searching around the rubble the Englishman suggests they each carry one item on their journey back to civilisation. The Englishman says i’ll carry the water, so if we get thirsty we’ll have something to drink. Good idea says the Scotsman. I’ll carry the food, so if we get hungry we’ll have something to eat. I’ll carry the door said the Irishman, so if we get hot i can wind the window down!