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Insurance jokes 📋 in 2025

Insurance agent to his lawyer: I want a divorce. My wife hasn´t spoken to me for six months.
– Lawyer: Better think it over. Wives like that are hard to get!

Why did the insurance companies think that insurance rates on drivers that never have crashed their cars should be increased?
– Because they are driving wreckless-ly.

My brother is a life insurance salesman.
– While sending life insurance policy mails to his clients, he ends his mails by saying,
– “Jack, your agent for life”!

My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.

If the founding fathers of America were life insurance agents, where would they sign on important papers?
– The declaration page.

What did the cars’ insurance agent reply when a man asked him why their anti-fire premium was $200, the anti-theft premium was $150 yet their anti-fire and anti-theft policy was only for $50?
– The agent replied, “That’s because nobody would ever really steal a burnt car”.

Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home.

What did the older gentleman reply when a young woman almost bumped her cart into his at Walmart and said sorry to him?
– He said, “Oh, it’s absolutely okay, my dear. I have car-t insurance!”

Batman gave a new name to his life insurance policies.
– He now calls them the Dark Knight Returns!

The man was reluctant to go to the pool despite having life insurance.
– He said, “Those are high-risk pools. I won’t go there unless there is a minimum of two Lifeguards”.

What happened when a man put a “please steal me” bumper stick sign on his car in the hopes he would get insurance?
– Someone stole his bumper sticker and left the car.

What did the turtle tell the insurance salesman?
– It said, “No, I don’t want to buy life insurance. I’m already covered”.

Buying insurance is what keeps people poor so that they can end up dying rich.

To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian.

What medical insurance company did Tommy Wiseau go to?
– That’s oh, Highmark.

Have you heard all my friends opted for State Farm Insurance?
– I decided to go with the Flo.

I recently got health insurance and then I remembered that I have an ingrown toenail that is not covered.
– Now I wonder if I have to foot the bill!

Why did the life insurance agent take one of his clients to the horse race track?
– Because he wanted to show the client that gambling with the numbers never really pays off.

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