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Insurance jokes 📋 in 2025

I bought a new life insurance policy but the small print is impossible to understand. All I´m sure of is that after I die, I can stop paying.

Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.

Why was the insurance company refusing to pay after lightning struck the church?
– Because they said it was an act of God, therefore, deliberate destruction by the owner.

Yesterday a life insurance salesman was sitting beside me at the Death Metal concert.
– Yes, and through it all, he offered me cover and protection.

My sister told me that she was skeptical about vision insurance.
– I told her to at least look into it!

What do sheet metal ducts care about the most when it comes to insurance?
– The deductible.

The rat went to his insurance salesman to get his car’s insurance.
– He opted to take the road dent insurance!

Two women are playing golf when one of them ask the other, “Do you and your husband have mutual climax?”
– The other woman replies, “No, I think we have State Farm.”

What did the insurance salesman say when a man asked whether he would get any insurance if a volcano near his house erupted?
– The agent assured him that he would be covered.

The best car insurance which any snake can get is fully cobrahensive!

My insurance company insisted on treating their clients as their friends.
– Guess, they really believe in Allianz!

How many actuaries would it take to change one light bulb?
– Depends on how many it took last year.

What retirement policy did the young man have?
– If he paid his premiums faithfully, then in the coming years, his insurance salesman could retire happily forever.

There are worst things in life than death.
– Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance agent?

Why wasn’t the man worried about the safety of his online insurance account?
– Because he really wouldn’t hate it if someone tried to pay his insurance!

What’s the difference between an actuary and a Mafia don?
– The actuary can tell you how many people will die this year. The Mafia don can tell you the names of all of them.

I asked my insurance salesman if the new life insurance policy that I was getting was going to cover any harm or losses from hail storms.
– He replied, “Yes, it would”. I exclaimed, “Hail the company.”

Why was the policy so happy on his 20th work anniversary?
– He had finally gotten tenure.

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