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Insurance jokes 📋 in 2025

Why wasn’t the man worried about the safety of his online insurance account?
– Because he really wouldn’t hate it if someone tried to pay his insurance!

What’s the difference between an actuary and a Mafia don?
– The actuary can tell you how many people will die this year. The Mafia don can tell you the names of all of them.

I asked my insurance salesman if the new life insurance policy that I was getting was going to cover any harm or losses from hail storms.
– He replied, “Yes, it would”. I exclaimed, “Hail the company.”

Why was the policy so happy on his 20th work anniversary?
– He had finally gotten tenure.

Life insurance is really strange. It´s a weird concept. You really don´t get anything for it. It works like this:
– You pay me money. And when you die, I´ll pay you money.

The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.

Why did the passenger get nervous when she read her fortune cookie that she had bought at the airport?
– Because her fortune cookie read, “Today’s investment is going to pay big dividends!”

What kind of health insurance do Halloween monsters need?
– They need medi-scare.

Once, a man cut his hand to claim his insurance.
– People go to strange lengths for just a handout!

What was the wife’s response when the husband mentioned pet insurance? She replied, “What would that in-tail?”

My father was trying to find a good dental insurance policy.
– But he couldn’t, so being exhausted he said, “It’s impossible, it’s like pulling teeth”.

Insurance agent to his lawyer: I want a divorce. My wife hasn´t spoken to me for six months.
– Lawyer: Better think it over. Wives like that are hard to get!

Why did the insurance companies think that insurance rates on drivers that never have crashed their cars should be increased?
– Because they are driving wreckless-ly.

My brother is a life insurance salesman.
– While sending life insurance policy mails to his clients, he ends his mails by saying,
– “Jack, your agent for life”!

My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.

If the founding fathers of America were life insurance agents, where would they sign on important papers?
– The declaration page.

What did the cars’ insurance agent reply when a man asked him why their anti-fire premium was $200, the anti-theft premium was $150 yet their anti-fire and anti-theft policy was only for $50?
– The agent replied, “That’s because nobody would ever really steal a burnt car”.

Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home.

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